An Interesting Week
by Blondala
Summary: We all know the office is...interesting. But when a disappearance, a murder attempt, and a ban on vocal sounds throw the office into chaos, the only person who can solve the case is the one you'd least expect. T for language and whatnot. *Now Complete!
1. Friday part 1

Well, I'm home from camp and ready to start new stories for the new school year! I think I'll discontinue Business Ethics because, well, to be blunt, it's crap. But I've been planning this story for a while, and I think you'll enjoy it. Please review. I'm serious this time. The last chapter of Business Ethics, last time I checked, got exactly one review. I'm going to need more encouragement than that.

Thanks to Lissa for encouraging me to continue this story. Love ya, Liz!

Anywho, here's the story I've been planning in my head and on paper for a month. Enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own The Office, but I went to the Viewmont Mall two weeks ago and ran clapping into the Victoria's Secret in the style of Kelly. (BTW, it was so not the same Victoria's Secret that was shown in the episode, even though they claimed it was the Viewmont Mall. The mall didn't have a fountain, either, which pissed me off, but oh well.)

ADDED NOTE: I had to break what was going to be the first chapter into two separate parts because of the length. So this is part one, and the next chapter, which is either already up or is going to be in five minutes, is part two, but they're the same chapter taking place on the same day.

Enough babbling. Story time.

A/N I couldn't add email addresses because it was made into a link and I didn't want fanfiction to remove my story. If anyone knows how to make fake email addresses for characters without it turning into a link, it would be much appreciated and I'll give you an e-flower.

* * *

**EMAILS SENT 9/5/08**

To: Angela, Kelly, Dwight, Pam, Creed, Holly, Jim, Meredith, Oscar, Phyllis, Kevin, Stanley, Andy

From: Michael

Subject: Shut 'cher cake hole!

Time: 10:40

What's up, peeps!

Hey gang! Just asking a little favorooni. Could you please, just, try to stay quiet when I'm on the phone. I wouldn't normally ask, but Lady Levanson's getting all hormonal on me and keeps saying that she can't hear me over all you guys.

XOXO,

Michael

* * *

To: Pam

From: Jim

Subject: Michael

Time: 10:47

Hey, Beez. Michael's hit a new level of weirdness today, that's for sure. Your thoughts? Don't expect me to respond right away, I have to fill out this paperworrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

To: Jim

From: Pam

Subject: RE: Michael

Time: 10:50 am

Jim,

Did you die of boredom again?

To: Pam

From: Jim

Subject: RE: RE: Michael

Time: 10:52 am

Can't respond. Dead.

To: Jim

From: Pam

Subject: RE: RE: RE: Michael

Time: 10:58

Jim,

Wasn't that a response? ;-)

Oh all right, I'll revive you. All week, Dwight's been talking about how he beat the old website at selling paper and he'll beat the new one. The old screen name we made up for the site is still up, right? Have fun. I'll login so I can watch.

* * *

Chat started at 11:00 am

Dundermifflin: I feel very strange. I am the same, but I am different somehow. I don't remember much of anything, but your name seems to have lingered in my memory. Maybe you can help me.

Battlestar51: Leave me alone. I have already defeated you.

Dundermifflin: Defeated me? What are you talking about?

Battlestar51: You know exactly what I'm talking about. I am the superior being.

Dundermifflin: Ah, that's right. It's all coming back to me now. You will not defeat me again. I am smarter, faster, and safer, with a new and improved defense system against sexual predators.

Battlestar51: I beat you once and I will beat you again.

Dundermifflin: Foolish human.

* * *

To: Jim

From: Pam

Subject: Foolish human?

Time: 11:15

Jim,

Foolish human? What is this, Star Wars or something?

This is very entertaining.

To: Pam

From: Jim

Subject: RE: Foolish human?

Time: 11:20

What is a Jim?

To: Jim

From: Pam

Subject: RE: RE: Foolish human?

Time: 11:25

Computer,

Very funny. You'll want to get back to the chat. Dwight's getting suspicious.

* * *

Chat resumed at 11:30 am

Dundermifflin: We meet again.

Battlestar51: You can't fool me. I know who this is.

Dundermifflin: It's me. Who else would it be?

Battlestar51: Jim.

Dundermifflin: I seem to remember you mentioning a Jim in a previous discussion of ours. I am still not exactly sure what a Jim is.

Battlestar51: You're so smart. Figure it out.

Dundermifflin: I am too busy selling more paper than you.

Battlestar51: I can outsell you in my sleep.

Dundermifflin: What is a sleep?

Dundermifflin: Don't get violent. There is no reason to take out your anger on your desk.

To: Jim

From: Pam

Subject: Sleep

Time: 11:45 am

Jim,

Nice job. It takes some work to get Dwight to pound on his desk like that. Let's take a break. It's lunch anyway.

To: Pam

From: Jim

Subject: RE: Sleep

Time: 11:47 am

What is a Jim?


	2. Friday part 2

A/N: Here's part 2. bla bla bla I don't own the office bla bla bla thanks to Lissa for encouraging me to continue with this story bla bla bla let's get on with it.

* * *

To: Oscar

From: Kevin

Subject: Let's bet on Michael

Time: 12:15

I bet you ten dollars Michael comes out of his office in half an hour.

To: Kevin

From: Oscar

Subject: RE: Let's bet on Michael

Time: 12:20

That's a bad idea.

To: Oscar

From: Kevin

Subject: RE: RE: Let's bet on Michael

Time: 12:25

What are you, scared?

To: Kevin

From: Oscar

Subject: RE: RE: RE: Let's bet on Michael

Time: 12:30

No, I'm not, it's just a bad idea to bet on your boss. However, if you insist, then fine. But don't you still have gambling debts to pay off? Do you really want any more debt?

To: Oscar

From: Kevin

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Let's bet on Michael

Time: 12:35

Actually, this is how I planned to get it back. The ice cream cart didn't work. Now I have gambling debts and one hundred pints of ice cream.

To: Kevin

From: Oscar

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Let's bet on Michael

Time: 12:40

That actually doesn't sound so bad. Didn't you start off with two hundred pints?

To: Oscar

From: Kevin

Subject: RE: RE: RE :RE :RE :RE: Let's bet on Michael

Time: 12:45

Well…I got hungry. Are we doing this or not?

To: Kevin

From: Oscar

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Let's bet on Michael

Time: 12:48

Fine. If he's not out in half an hour, you owe me ten dollars.

To: Oscar

From: Kevin

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Let's bet on Michael

Time: 12:53

You're on.

To: Oscar

From: Kevin

Subject: (no subject)

Time: 1:20

Damn you.

* * *

To: Angela

From: Andy

Subject: Wedding invitations

Time: 2:45 pm

My flower,

I sent out wedding invitations yesterday, if that's all right with you. I can't wait until November.

Love,

Andy

To: Andy

From: Angela

Subject: RE: Wedding invitations

Time: 2:50 pm

What's so special about November?

To: Angela

From: Andy

Subject: RE: RE: Wedding invitations

Time: 2:55 pm

Angela,

Did I forget to tell you? Last month I scheduled the wedding for November. It was the soonest they could do.

Love,

Andy

To: Andy

From: Angela

Subject: RE: RE: RE: Wedding invitations

Time: 3:00 pm

You set a date without telling me?

To: Angela

From: Andy

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Wedding invitations

Time: 3:05 pm

Sorry, my flower, I thought you would be surprised.

* * *

To: Dwight

From: Angela

Subject: The wedding

Time: 3:30 pm

Dwight,

Andy scheduled the wedding for November. I thought you should know first.

Angela

To: Angela

From: Dwight

Subject: RE: The wedding

Time: 3:33 pm

Monkey,

I thought we agreed you weren't going to talk about that. But now that we're on the subject, you're really going to marry him?

Love,

Dwight

P.S. I'm kind of busy, so could you do me a favor and do a web search on animate computers? Not computer animation, but computers that come to life. Much appreciated.

To: Dwight

From: Angela

Subject: RE: RE: The wedding

Time: 3:36 pm

Dwight,

I guess I have no choice, really. I'm already thirty, and I said yes. I just wish he would tell me when he sets the date for our wedding.

Angela

To: Angela

From: Dwight

Subject: RE: RE: RE: The wedding

Time: 3:40 pm

Monkey,

I really wish you would reconsider. But anyway, are we still meeting in the conference room later?

Love,

Dwight

To: Dwight

From: Angela

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: The wedding

Time: 3:43 pm

Dwight,

No. Phyllis is onto us, remember?

Meet me on the roof.

Angela

To: Jim

From: Pam

Subject: two minutes ago

Time: 4:03 pm

Jim,

Please say that wasn't as loud as it seemed. Everyone stared. I could have sworn I left my phone on vibrate. I didn't even know that was my ring tone for texts.

Pam

To: Pam

From: Jim

Subject: RE: two minutes ago

Time: 4:08 pm

Pam,

Hate to tell you this, but it was as loud as it seemed. Louder, actually. Who was the text from, anyway?

Jim

To: Jim

From: Pam

Subject: RE: RE: two minutes ago

Time: 4:12 pm

Jim,

Yikes. I'm going to put my phone on vibrate now.

It was from Roy, but I didn't read it. I don't know what he wants and I don't care. I'm still really, really mad at him.

Pam

To: Pam

From: Jim

Subject: RE: RE: RE: two minutes ago

Time: 4:20 pm

Pam,

Don't worry about him. There are better things to focus on than him. Like, for instance, the weekend. I'm visiting family in Philly, but I'm leaving there on Sunday and if I can see you Sunday night, I'd love to.

Jim

To: Jim

From: Pam

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: two minutes ago

Time: 4:25pm

Jim,

Family in Philly? You mean your secret family that you didn't tell me about?

Pam

To: Pam

From: Jim

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: two minutes ago

Time: 4:28 pm

Pam,

Secret family? What am I, a Staten Island congressman?

Jim

To: Jim

From: Pam

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: two minutes ago

Time: 4:34 pm

Jim,

Well, I'm seeing a friend tomorrow, but after that, I'm free. So I can definitely do Sunday night. Can't wait.

Pam

To: Pam

From: Jim

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: two minutes ago

Time: 4:40 pm

Pam,

A friend? You mean an ex boyfriend? Should I be jealous?

Jim

To: Jim

From: Pam

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: two minutes ago

Time: 4:45 pm

Jim,

I only have one ex, and believe me, you don't have any remote reason to be jealous of him.

Well, I have to start wrapping up for the week now. Glad you didn't die of boredom. See you Sunday!

Love,

Pam

* * *

Things haven't even _started_ to get interesting yet. Review!


	3. Monday part 1

Well, as it turns out, this year is a lot more stressful than last year was

Well, as it turns out, this year is already a lot more stressful than last year. I should really be doing my homework right now, but I have to finish this first. But on the subject of stress, I start tutoring tomorrow and piano lessons start soon after so I might be slow on the updates. But I want to finish this story before the 25th so that it doesn't necessarily have to be an AU. Well, it kind of is AU, but not a 100 AU.

I want to get to the story as soon as possible, but I'd like to respond to my WONDERFUL reviewers. I can't believe I got 4 reviews for one (ok, technically 2) chapter(s)!

**Kevin-o'toole77 – **Thanks! Dwight and Angela are one of the best couples on TV, right after Jim and Pam. Their constantly changing status is fun to write about. It gets even more interesting later. And I'm not exactly from Scranton, but I go there at least once a month. I love seeing what the show got right and what they goofed up. (You could never go on a booze cruise on Lake Wallenpaupack in January – it's pretty much frozen solid.)

**XALLOWspuffyBuFf – **Thanks! I hope it turns out entertaining. I think I'm getting better at this fanfiction stuff.

**DragonWingedHanyou – **Following orders, Liz. How goes the posting of the podcast? Look out, world, here comes Lissa and Star!

**Bingbangboom714 – **That first chapter was basically an introduction. It starts to follow the summary in this chapter. Thanks and hope you enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: As usual, I don't own The Office, email, or beet farmer's conventions, but I do own a t-shirt with water colored flowers and a new ipod to replace the one that is at the bottom of a lake at this moment.

ADDED NOTE: If anyone knows how to make fake email addresses that doesn't turn into a link, I will give you a flower and a pet bunny. Please help me. Also, this chapter has been split into 2 parts as well. Yeah, sorry about that, it's just that the format of this story requires that each chapter be split.

To the story-mobile!

EMAILS SENT 9/8/08

To: Jim

From: Dwight

Subject: Pam's truancy record

Time: 10:00 am

Halpert:

It has come to my attention that Pam Beesly, our receptionist and your girlfriend, is not in the office and has not called in sick. Since you spend most of your time at work slacking off at her desk, I assume that you know where she is. Please remind her that PMS is not a valid reason to skip work and that if she is indeed having extreme symptoms of PMS, she may want better birth control. If you do not respond I will mark her down as playing hooky and you will be marked as an accomplice.

Cordially,

Dwight Shrute, Assistant Regional Manager

To: Dwight

From: Jim

Subject: RE: Pam's truancy record

Time: 10:05 am

Dwight:

Uh…I'm right next to you. You don't have to email me.

Jim

To: Jim

From: Dwight

Subject: RE: RE: Pam's truancy record

Time: 10:08 am

Halpert:

I know that, idiot. But Michael said not to talk more than we have to when he's on the phone. And you didn't answer my question.

Cordially,

Dwight Shrute, Assistant Regional Manager

To: Dwight

From: Jim

Subject: RE: RE: RE: Pam's truancy record

Time: 10:13 am

Dwight:

Ah. Now I see.

Assistant _to the_ regional manager.

You shouldn't start sentences with "and." Bad grammar.

Jim

To: Jim

From: Dwight

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Pam's truancy record

Time: 10:17 am

Halpert:

False. Michael promoted me three years ago. Don't be an idiot, Halpert. You still haven't answered my question. Don't think I won't report you, because I will.

Dwight Shrute, Assistant Regional Manager

P.S. "Bad grammar" is not a full sentence.

To: Dwight

From: Jim

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Pam's truancy record

Time: 10:22 am

Dwight:

Wow, what happened to the "Cordially?" Rudeness is against company policy, Dwight. I might just have to report you instead.

Where were we? Ah, yes. PMS and birth control. Forgive me asking, what makes you an expert on PMS?

Pam is at a beet farmers convention. She was going to invite you, but she only had one ticket and, besides, you already know all there is to know about beet farming.

Jim

P.S. I don't need to use full sentences. I'm a wizard.

To: Pam

From: Jim

Subject: Dwight

Time: 10:25 am

Where are you? I'm trying to cover for you: if Dwight asks, say you were at a beet farmers convention.

To: Jim

From: Dwight

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Pam's truancy record.

Date: 9/3/08

Time: 10:26 am

Halpert:

Very funny, Halpert. Any idiot knows that the Scranton BFC was last week. Stop wasting company time and tell me where she really is.

For your information, I know a lot about PMS and birth control because I have mapped out the menstrual cycles of every woman in the office. And, according to my chart, Pam is approaching her period.

You cannot report me for rudeness, but I can report you from withholding information from the ARM.

Dwight Shrute, Assistant Regional Manager.

P.S. You are undeserving of any sort of nicety.

P.P.S. You are not a wizard. Wizards aren't real, dummy.

To: Pam

From: Jim

Subject: RE: Dwight

Time: 10:29 am

Never mind. Where are you?

To: Dwight

From: Jim

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Pam's truancy record

Time: 10:33 am

Dwight:

Actually, I'm the ARM, and as your immediate superior, I order you to write a full report of every problem you have with me and email it to me. You already have one full dissadulation, and you definitely don't want another.

Anyway, I don't know where Pam is. I've emailed her, but she hasn't responded. I'm going to try calling her.

Jim

P.S. I am too a wizard. Avada Kedavra. You're dead.

To: Jim

From: Dwight

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Pam's truancy record

Time: 10:37 am

Halpert:

Make it quick.

Dwight Shrute, Assistant Regional Manager

P.S. I'm still alive, idiot. And how did you know that Avada Kedavra was the death curse?

To: Jim

From: Dwight

Subject: Well?

Time: 10:40 am

Halpert:

Well? Where's your pathetic girlfriend?

Dwight Shrute, Assistant Regional Manager

To: Dwight

From: Jim

Subject: RE: Well?

Time: 10:42 am

Dwight:

Pam isn't pathetic. Someone here is, though.

She didn't pick up. I tried her cell and everything.

Jim

P.S. Face it? I'm a wizard. I thought I was powerful enough for that to work, but I guess it didn't work. Strange. Oh, well. Ojos Itchiosos.

To: Jim

From: Dwight

Subject: RE: RE: Well?

Time: 10:45 am

Halpert:

What does that one do? Make my head fall off? Well, my head's still on, thank you very much.

Dwight Shrute, Assistant Reigional manager

To: Dwight

From: Jim

Subject: RE: RE: RE: Well?

Time: 10:47 am

Dwight,

No, it doesn't make your head fall off. It makes your eyes itch.

Jim

To: Jim

From: Dwight

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Well?

Time: 10:50 am

Halpert:

Fact: My eyes don't itch. Fact: You are not a wizard, muggle.

Dwight Shrute, Assistant Regional Manager

To: Dwight

From: Jim

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Well?

Time: 10:53 am

Dwight,

If your eyes don't itch, why'd you just scratch them?

Jim

P.S. To the.


	4. Monday part 2

Me again

Me again. Part 2, here we go. Sorry for the inconvenience, I own nothing, bla bla bla bla bla…

To: Angela

From: Dwight

Subject: (no subject)

Time: 10:55 am

Monkey,

Can we meet on the roof again later?

Love,

Dwight

To: Dwight

From: Angela

Subject: RE: (no subject)

Time: 11:00 am

Dwight,

No.

Angela

To: Angela

From: Dwight

Subject: RE: RE: (no subject)

Time: 11:04 am

Monkey,

Why not? Is everything okay? Are you having your menstrual cycle?

Love,

Dwight

To: Dwight

From: Angela

Subject: RE: RE: RE: (no subject)

Time: 11:09 am

Dwight,

We can't see each other anymore. I am soon to be a married woman.

Angela

To: Angela

From: Dwight

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: (no subject)

Time: 11:13 am

Monkey,

What does that have to do with anything?

Love,

Dwight

To: Dwight

From: Angela

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: (no subject)

Time: 11:15 am

Dwight,

I've made up my mind. No more cookie.

Angela

To: Angela

From: Dwight

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: (no subject)

Time: 11:18 am

Monkey,

What made you decide this? Friday night was so great. How you let me stroke your hair, how you yelled at me when I pulled it, how you stomped on my toe. It was magical.

Love,

Dwight

To: Dwight

From: Angela

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: (no subject)

Time: 11:24 am

Dwight,

I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore. Yesterday, Andy asked me how long we were together. If I'm going to be a married woman, I'd better start acting like one.

Angela

To: Angela

From: Dwight

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: (no subject)

Time: 11:28 am

Monkey,

Please reconsider.

Dwight

P.S. What should I do about the problem with Pam?

To: Dwight

From: Angela

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: (no subject)

Time: 11:23 am

Dwight,

Fine. I'll be on the roof at six. But I don't know how much longer I can keep this up.

You should tell Michael that Pam skipped work.

Angela

To: Michael

From: Dwight

Subject: Pam Beesly's Absence

Time: 11:30 am

Dear Michael:

It has come to my attention that Pam Beesly is not in the office, has not called in sick, and is not picking up her phone. What should be done about this?

Cordially,

Dwight Shrute, Assistant Regional Manager

To: Dwight

From: Michael

Subject: RE: Pam Beesly's Absence

Date:

Time: 11:50 am

Ugh, Dwight, just stop bothering me. Jan's had me on the phone the whole day and I need a nap. Handle this yourself. And by the way, you're assistant to the regional manager.

Michael

To: Michael

From: Dwight

Subject: RE: RE: Pam's absence

Time: 11:53 am

Michael:

I accept my mission. I will find out what Pam's excuse is and punish her accordingly.

You are mistaken, I am Assistant Regional Manager, you promoted me three years ago.

Cordially,

Dwight Shrute, Assistant Regional Manager

To: Dwight

From: Michael

Subject: RE: RE: RE: Pam's Absence

Time: 12:15 pm

Fine, Dwight, just don't do anything stupid like you always do. Anyway, you're not assistant regional manager anymore, I just demoted you because you were annoying me. You can hate the title back when you stop being so…ugh. And now for my power nap. Same no-talking rule applies.

Michael

To: Angela, Kelly, Creed, Holly, Jim, Meredith, Oscar, Phyllis, Kevin, Stanley, Andy

From: Dwight

Subject: Pam's Absence

Time: 12: 25 pm

Coworkers:

As you are all probably aware, Pam Beesly has been absent for two days now without giving a reason why. She cannot be reached on her phone. I ask that all of you give a written testimony of the last time that you saw Pam and leave it on my desk by tomorrow. Your help is appreciated.

Cordially (except for that slacker Jim,)

Dwight Shrute, Assistant Regional Manager

To: Dwight

From: Stanley

Subject: RE: Pam's Absence

Time: 2:15 pm

To the.

To: Dwight

From: Creed

Subject: RE: Pam's Absence

Time: 4:45 pm

Who's Pam?

Today, another person went missing. Review or Pamela Morgan Beesly will never be found. Well, she will, but not in this fic, anyway. Ok, I lied again, but the more you review, the faster I update. So, anyway, click the little button at the bottom of the screen and review!


	5. Testimonies

It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a chapter that fits into one part!

I'm going to take another opportunity to rant, just because I can. Re redid the podcast because it didn't work out so well, and the new version is pretty good, if a little long. The math test went pretty well. I got a 60 out of 64, but I'm not completely satisfied with it and I can make up the grade, so I will. Unfortunately, making up the grade means doing 4 worksheets, each with 2 pages, and then taking another quiz. But you do what you have to. Also, I got a new ipod, and the first thing I did was listen to Whatsername by Green Day. I was going to listen to it three times, but it made me so sad, in a good way, so I decided once was enough because I really didn't want to start crying at 10:00 pm.

Since I have room, I'm going to respond to my amazing reviewers!

**XALLOWspuffyBuFf **– Thanks! Keeping my characters in-character is one of my main goals.

**Bingbangboom714** – Thank you so much for the review AND the technical advice! This chapter doesn't use emails, but the next one will. I can't wait to try it out. I made up email addresses already!

**JAMonMyToast** – Glad you like it! Also, thanks for the constructive feedback. You'll see that I tweaked that. And about your suspicions, the truth will reveal itself…

**Noodles medic **– Glad you liked the Jim and Dwight emails. They weren't originally part of the chapter, but I added them because, well, what's the point of The Office without some Jim/Dwight interaction? That's what I missed about season 4; the absence of pranks.

**Inherently Flawed** - Thanks! I decided to try a new format for this story. It was actually inspired by a book called The Murder of Bindy MacKenzie or something like that. And I took your line break advice. Thanks.

Thanks for the reviews, hope you enjoy this chapter! It was one of my favorites to write, because I can really capture everyone in these few pages.

As usual, I own ZIP, ZILCH, nada.**

* * *

****

* * *

**

DUNDER MIFFLIN

**SCRANTON, PA**

**Dwight K. Shrute**

**Original Assistant Regional Manager**

Note to self: I have typed and compiled the testimonies of everyone in the office except for Michael Scott, who's current status is sitting in his office with the shades pulled talking to Jan about the woman at Lamaze who she thinks might have given her the evil eye.

* * *

Angela Martin

First of all, I don't see why we need to do this. Pam is probably off doing whatever people like her like to do on their spare time. It's not like she's anyone who can't be replaced. And there are more important problems, like paganism and men who schedule weddings without telling their fiancés. But it seems like this is important to you, Dwight, so I'll do it.

The last time I saw Pam was when she left at five o'clock on September second. I had to stay late because I was working on a certain overtime assignment. Most of the office workers got up to leave, making a lot of noise, as usual. I stood up and looked over the cubicle wall to see who was leaving. I saw Pam and Jim talking by the coat rack for about two minutes. Then I saw her and Jim engage in a shocking yet typical public display of affection.

That's it, I guess. Again, I don't see the point of this.

* * *

Oscar Martinez

I think that this should be brought to Michael. It doesn't sound like a big deal. But I guess it won't hurt if I take a minute to do this.

Last time I saw Pam, we were leaving the office along with most of the other employees. We were in the parking lot. She said goodbye, got in her car, drove out of the parking lot, and turned left. That's all I saw.

This reminds me: We have to do the payroll today. It's usually Michael's policy to dock workers three hours pay if they don't show up and don't call in. Does this apply for this situation? Ask Michael. I asked Angela and Kevin. Angela just glared at me and Kevin said he had no idea.

I hope this helped, although I'm not sure how it could.

* * *

Kevin Malone

Last time I saw Pam, she was sitting at reception. I was leaving early because I had a band rehearsal and Michael said I could go when I asked him a month before. We're playing at Andy and Angela's wedding. Andy said that he liked my performance at Phyllis's wedding so much that he would hire any band I was in. I told him we only play Sting songs EXCEPT FOR DESERT ROSE but he said it was alright. Fifty bucks in the bank!

Stanley Hudson

I don't really remember the last time I saw Pam. You think I remember these things? It was like any other day. She came, she left, end of story. Now I have better things to do than this, so stop bothering me.

And anyway, what is Michael still doing in his office? What could be so damn important?

* * *

Meredith Palmer

Why do we have to do this? She'll turn up; everyone goes missing for a few days sometimes. It's nothing new, she's probably just drunk or something.

I think I saw Pam when I was driving home. I passed her car. She was just driving the boring way, no snacks or loud music or booze or anything. But I really can't tell, I was going eighty miles an hour and she was going thirty, so I kind of rushed right past. People who obey speed limits are prudes.

* * *

Holly Flax

If you're really concerned about Pam, I suggest talking to Michael. What's up with him, anyway? He hasn't left his office all week.

I last saw Pam when we were all leaving at five – well, everyone except for you, Michael, and Angela, of course. I saw her kiss Jim on the cheek before she left, and I made a mental note to hand out a memo on our PDA policy on Monday, but after I got to work, I figured it would be useless, as Pam wasn't there and Michael was already in a bad enough mood. The elevator got too full, so I didn't see her after that.

I would tell Michael about this, but as he won't let anyone in his office, I guess I'll tell you and hope that it gets to Michael. Last week, when I tried to get into my car, there was a dead squirrel in it. It smelled disgusting.

* * *

Andrew Bernard

Last time I saw Pam, she was just walking out of the elevator. We all went down together, except for, well, you, Michael, Holly, and my lovely fiancé. She stayed to finish some paperwork or whatever. But, geez, Pam's a huge pain to be in an elevator with. I was delivering my much-practiced rendition of the Jeopardy theme song (do do do do do do do do, do do do do DO! Do do do do do) and suddenly she starts talking to Jim about Toby or something like that. Dude, what do I care about Toby? Then she sais, "I left my phone in the office," and everyone looks at her. So I never got to finish. Bummer.

* * *

Phyllis Vance

I saw Pam leave yesterday. I didn't really pay much attention.

By the way, some of my good pens are running out of ink. Could you replace them?

Why did you work late yesterday? Did it have anything to do with Angela?

* * *

Kelly Capoor

Do you know where Pam is yet?" This is taking FOREVER! Why can't we just text her? That always works for me, cause I carry my cell, like, everywhere. Just saying.

So, like, I ran into Pam on the street at, like, six o'clock, and I was like, oh my God, Pam, that's so random! What are you doing here? So she said she was walking to a friends house, and I said that was great for her. She really needs a social life. I mean, sure, she has Jim, but she just sits at home with her drawings every night. Yawn. And she was dressed really well…well, really well for Pam, anyway. Like, in a slightly lacy purple top and a pair of black pants. So I said bye, and she said bye, and she kept walking, and I kept walking, because I had to get my car because I was going to see Daryl. Things aren't so great between us, FYI. He's always passing up on dates because his daughter has a thing. You think he's cheating on me? Oh my God, I would _hate_ that!

Did that help?

* * *

Creed Bratton

I'm still not clear on who Pam is. Is she that hot chick at reception? Oh, God, I've been stoned before, but this is just…I can't remember anything. Not since Thursday night. I'd go to a hospital, but they've got me blacklisted. I…stole some morphine back in the day. Normal stuff, all the kids are doin' it.

* * *

Jim Halpert

The last time I saw Pam, she was on the roof. It was midnight, and she was talking about how she had seen someone in a black cape and a black mask and didn't know whether it was Darth Vader or Voldemort. I couldn't help her with it, so she just wanted to stay on the roof and see if she saw him again.

Hope this helps the search, Dwight.

* * *

Time is ticking! Review if you ever want to see Pam again! (JK, but please review...)


	6. Tuesday

Wow, that's a lot more reviews than I expected! I said I wouldn't update until dragonwingedhanyou reviewed, but I decided I couldn't wait any longer and I want to finish the story by the 25th. As always, here are my responses to your amazing reviews:

**Inherently Flawed** – Well, I always try to be punctual!

**XALLOWspuffyBuFf** – Glad I'm keeping you excited! This chapter doesn't have much regarding Pam, but it does touch on DWANGELA a bit…

**Bingbangboom714** – Thanks! So what's _your_ suspicion! Watch out for new plot twists in the future, not in this chapter but soon! P.S. Congrats on your new story!

**JAMonMyToast** – Wow. What a review! Thank you thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU!! I tried really hard to capture the characters well.

**Iheartstanley** – Thanks for subscribing!

While I adore you guys who decided to take the time to review a mediocre piece such as this one, my grades hate you. Already I have a paper due Monday, as well as a quiz Monday and another one Tuesday. But oh well, what can you do?

It's raining outside…I love the rain…_rain spat in my face, thanks a lot mate, and I lost a tenner on the way…_I've had Navy Taxi stuck in my head since 5th period humanities on Thursday. Yeah.

P.S. skip this first part if you haven't read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and you plan on reading it, unless you want it spoiled. But, really ,did you not see it coming anyway?

P.P.S. I can't do email addresses because it keeps deleting them, so for all of these email addresses, just imagine that it's at dundermifflin .com. Yeah, it's annoying, but I tried using the undo button but it deleted them anyway. And yes, I'm stubborn that I include the emails somehow, but it gets important later. You'll see what I mean.

_Carryin' bags and a navy taxi man said "Take your time, love…"_

* * *

EMAILS SENT 9/9/08

To: Jim (JHalpert)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: Lying under oath

Time: 11:01 am

Halpert:

There is no way she could have seen either Voldemort or Darth Vader. Voldemort's dead, you moron, and Darth Vader isn't real. Now, either you tell me what really happened the last time you saw Pam or I will have to report you.

Dwight Shrute, Assistant Regional Manager

* * *

To: Pam (BeezNeez)

From: Jim (JHalpert)

Subject: Where are you?

Time:11:10 am

Pam,

Where are you? I've been calling you three times a day (five yesterday because I called to show Dwight that I didn't know where you were) and you're not picking up. I know you always respond to emails, but I emailed you twice yesterday and nothing. Frankly, I'm getting nervous. I know you hate surprise visitors, but if I don't hear from you soon, I think I'll stoop by your place after work and check on you. This isn't like you, Pam.

Dwight, of course, is working on the case. He had everyone write a testimony of the last time they saw you. I, seizing the golden opportunity in front of me, made up a false story, but he didn't buy it. (Who knew that Darth Vader wasn't real, right?) I'm running out of ways to cover for you, Pam. Please tell me where you are.

Michael's still not letting us talk. He's locked himself in his office and he talks on the phone for about five hours a day about how the lid of the jar of peanut butter wasn't screwed on right and stuff like that. The other four, he's pacing. We have Kelly answering phones, and, don't get me wrong, Kelly's great and not annoying in the least, but I'm getting tired of hearing her voice instead of yours.

Oh, God, is Andy miming singing a capella? Yes; Andy is mouthing what appears to be "Living on a Prayer" and doing that weird thing where he mimes the notes with his hands. I need a new job.

I'm worried about you, Pam. I'm sure you're alright, but, still. So please write back.

* * *

To: Jim (JHalpert)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: Your testimony

Time: 11:15 am

Halpert:

I'm tired of waiting, Jim. You give me your testimony by five o'clock today or you are fired.

Dwight Shrute, Assistant Regional Manager

* * *

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Jim (JHalpert)

Subject: RE: Your testimony

Time: 11:20 am

Dwight:

You can't fire me. I'm your immediate superior. If anything, _I _can report _you_.

Jim

* * *

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Holly (HFlax)

Subject: (no subject)

Time: 11:25

Dwight,

Please do not bang your fists on the desk like that again. If you have a problem with another employee in this branch, you can submit it anonymously to the complaints box, which is mysteriously empty at the moment but will be checked periodically.

Holly

* * *

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Angela (AngelaMartin)

Subject: What was that about?

Time: 11:26 am

Dwight:

Dwight, stop it. What was that about? Did it have anything to do with Andy? I think he's getting a little suspicious.

Angela Martin

P.S. Has your wedding invitation come in yet?

* * *

To: Angela (AngelaMartin)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: RE: What was that about?

Time: 11:28 am

Monkey:

I got the invitation, but I'd rather not talk about it right now.

Rest assured, that had nothing to do with Andy. Slacker Jim was just being an idiot, that's all. You would think he'd be more cooperative; it is, after all, his pathetic girlfriend.

Love,

Dwight

P.S. Do you really think he's getting suspicious?

* * *

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Angela (AngelaMartin)

Subject: RE: RE: What was that about?

Time: 11:34 am

Dwight:

I'm pretty sure he's getting suspicious. Last night while we were eating dinner he asked me about…well…us. I told him it was a long time ago and that it's over. He started singing some song I had never heard called "It's Over." If it sounds anything like Andy's impression of it, I never want to hear it again in my life.

Angela

P.S. Show me the invitation.

* * *

To: Angela (AngelaMartin)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: What was that about?

Time: 11:40 am

Monkey:

Fine, I'll show you the invitation, but you won't like it. Go to the kitchen and pretend to make yourself a sandwich.

* * *

To: Angela (AngelaMartin)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: I'm sorry

Time: 11:55

Monkey, I'm sorry. I didn't know how to tell you. But it's not that bad, really. A synagogue is just like church, except a different religion. That's not terrible. Anyway, you seem to have gotten over the shock.

Love,

Dwight

* * *

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Angela (AngelaMartin)

Subject: RE: I'm sorry

Time: 12:00

Dwight,

Not bad? Eternal damnation isn't bad? Dwight, I have to get out of this. I can't marry Andy and I especially can't marry Andy in a _synagogue!_ What do I do?

Angela

* * *

To: Angela (AngelaMartin)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: RE: RE: I'm sorry

Time: 12:05

Monkey,

We take care of him, that's what we do. Leave it up to me. I'll take care of him.

Love,

Dwight

* * *

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Angela (AngelaMartin)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: I'm sorry

Time: 12:09

Dwight:

Okay.

Angela

* * *

Sorry about the crappy chapter, but I needed to rewrite my original to make it work with the story and anyway, it's Friday and I'm tired from a long week of math. (Trig is evil and should die. I get it, but it's still evil and should still die.) Please review, especially you, dragonwingedhanyou. I miss your reviews almost as much as I miss the updates to your amazing stories, which everyone else should check out, btw.

P.S. I can tell from Reader Traffic that a LOT more people are reading this than are reviewing it. So PLEASE review.


	7. Tuesday, continued

Guys, thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews. They're the best distraction ever! On the topic of distractions, I really should be writing that pesky paper for science class now, but whatever. You guys rock.

**JAMonMyToast **– Be afraid. Be very afraid. But not too afraid. I'm not that cruel a person.

**Bingbangboom714** – Thanks for the help anyways, and thanks for your prediction. I'm not going to say you're right, and I'm not going to say you're wrong, but you're less off than you think you are…

**Iheartstanley** – What kind of a person do you think I am? I'm leaving that a maybe just to torture you! Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!!

**Inherently Flawed** – To be quite honest, I'm curious as well. I have the idea, but I don't know what it looks like on paper yet.

**DragonWingedHanyou **- You listened to me (thank you thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU for that) and now I am listening to you. Trust me, there will be more Kelly in this fic, and you'll get some Pam eventually…NOOOOOOOOO MINE! Lipstick. Lipstick. Lipstick. There we go.

In this chapter, I bring in Jan, so I'm just going to put spaces into her email address to make it not an email address anymore. Hopefully that'll work.

I own nothing in this story, unfortunately.

* * *

**EMAILS SENT 9/9/08 (cont.)**

To: Jan (Jan serenity .com)

From: Michael (Thatswhatshesaid)

Subject: Sorry

Time: 12:30 pm

Hey, Jan, it's Michael. You sounded upset over the phone. I mean, I'm pretty sure I heard something break, but…it's okay. I'm sorry I left the cap off the peanut butter this morning.

XOXO

Michael

* * *

To: Michael (Thatswhatshesaid)

From: Jan (Jan serenity .com)

Subject: RE: Sorry

Time: 12:35 pm

Michael:

Never sign an email like that again. Are you alone in your office? I want to talk to you again. And when did that become your email address?

Jan

* * *

To: Jan (Jan serenity .com)

From: Michael (Thatswhatshesaid)

Subject: RE: RE: Sorry

Time: 12:38 pm

Well, after the website was temporarily shut down because of the whole Ryan thing, I just decided to let everyone in the office assign their own email addresses, to boost morale. Mine's the best, of course, because Kelly said "this is so hard" and that's where I got the idea from.

And about the alone-in-the-office thing, yeppers.

Michael

* * *

To: Michael (Thatswhatshesaid)

From: Jan (Jan serenity .com)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: Sorry

Time: 12:47 pm

What did I tell you about yeppers?

* * *

To: Jim (JHalpert)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: 4 hours

Time: 1:00 pm

Halpert:

Fact: You have 4 hours to give me your testimony or I will report you to Michael and have you demoted or fired.

Dwight Shrute, actual Assistant Regional Manager.

* * *

To: Pam (BeezNeez)

From: Jim (JHalpert)

Subject: Miss you

Time: 1:10 pm

Pam,

I know I wrote two hours ago, but it's 1pm on Tuesday and you haven't responded to a single call, text, or email. Dwight says I have to give him my report on the last time I saw you. I still think he's being a Class A Moron, but I'm getting worried about you. I might actually tell him about our phone call before you had to leave and go to your friend's place. Then again, it's Dwight, so I probably won't.

Speaking of Dwight, he's been acting really weird lately. He keeps looking at Andy over his glasses and muttering things. I can't exactly make it out, but he's angry.

Oh my God, Kelly just answered the phone as Bridget Jones again. Her fake British accent is horrible. Please come back. I know you'll only be back for a week or two, but please.

Love,

Jim

* * *

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Jim (JHalpert)

Subject: RE: 4 hours

Time: 1:15 pm

Dwight,

I still don't think that firing me is in your power. But if you have to know, we talked on the phone on Friday. That's it.

Jim

* * *

To: Jim (JHalpert)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: RE: RE: 4 hours

Time: 1:17 pm

Halpert:

Right. I'll believe that when I believe what you said about bears breaking into offices to steal beet wine. Also Known As: Never.

Dwight Shrute, Assistant Regional Manager.

* * *

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Jim (JHalpert)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: 4 hours

Time: 1:20 pm

1. That is what happened. We talked on the phone, and then she had to go. That's it.

2. Bears do break into offices to steal beet wine. Haven't you noticed that there's les of it in the fridge today then there was yesterday?

3. To the.

* * *

To: Angela (AngelaMartin)

From: Andy (Treblemaker3000)

Subject: (no subject)

Time: 2:00 pm

My flower,

That was weird. I found staples in my sandwich! What do you think happened?

Love,

Andy

* * *

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Angela (AngelaMartin)

Subject: Andy

Time: 2:05 pm

Andy found staples in his sandwich. Do you know anything about this?

Angela

* * *

To: Angela (AngelaMartin)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: RE: Andy

Time: 2:28 pm

Monkey:

Of course I do. I put them there. It's the only way. We have to get him out of the picture.

Love,

Dwight

* * *

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Angela (AngelaMartin)

Subject: RE: RE: Andy

Time: 2:23 pm

Dwight:

Elevators. Now.

Angela

* * *

To: Angela (AngelaMartin)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: RE:RE:RE: Andy

Time: 2:45 pm

Monkey:

I know what I'm doing. Do you really want to become Angela Bernard?

Love,

Dwight

* * *

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Angela (AngelaMartin)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Andy

Time: 2:50 pm

Dwight:

Of course not, Dwight, but you can't murder Andy.

Angela

* * *

To: Angela (AngelaMartin)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Andy

Time: 2:51 pm

Monkey:

I'm sure he'd do the same to me if the roles were reversed. Actually, maybe he wouldn't, and that just proves I love you more. Do you have a better idea?

Love,

Dwight

* * *

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Angela (AngelaMartin)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Andy

Time: 2:57 pm

Dwight:

No, but murder is a sin. I have to get out of this on my own.

Angela

* * *

To: Angela (AngelaMartin)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Andy

Time: 3:00 pm

Monkey:

Isn't cheating a sin too? And you seemed to have no problem with that.

Dwight

* * *

To: Jim (JHalpert)

From: Kelly (AngelFace25)

Subject: OMG!!

Time: 3:05 pm

OMG!! JIM!! Did you see that? I can _not_ believe that Angela just walked up and slapped Dwight like that! OMG!!

* * *

To: Angela (AngelaMartin)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: What was that for?

Time: 3:06 pm

You know I find it rather attractive when you slap me, but that was not the kind of slap I like. Do you want my help or not?

* * *

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Angela (AngelaMartin)

Subject: RE: What was that for?

Time: 3:10 pm

Dwight:

Fine, I do want your help. You have no idea how hard it was for me to admit that. But it's even harder knowing that I have committed sin. Well, I guess once you start down that slippery path, there's no turning back. I mean, look at Pam. She starts sleeping around, next thing you know she's run off to who-knows-where.

Angela

* * *

To: Angela (AngelaMartin)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: RE: RE: What was that for?

Time: 3:14 pm

Monkey:

So, are you saying I can put the plan into action?

Love,

Dwight

* * *

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Angela (AngelaMartin)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: What was that for?

Time: 3:20 pm

Okay.

* * *

To: Angela (AngelaMartin)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: What was that for?

Time: 3:25 pm

Great. Could you get me some arsenic? I've never committed a murder before. Maybe I should ask Creed…

* * *

To: Pam (BeezNeez)

From: Jim (JHalpert)

Subject: …?

Time: 5:00 pm

Pam,

It's five o'clock. I'm stopping by to see if you're okay. I miss you.

Love,

Jim

* * *

Please review. I need reviews in my inbox to compensate for the practice test I have to take at 9AM (!) tomorrow. It should be illegal to get out of bed before 8 on Saturdays, especially when you wake up before 6 on weekdays, but try telling that to the test prep people. But I was warned that this year would suck, so I guess it's kind of my fault. Anyway, please review!


	8. Wednesday

Sorry about the lateness of this chapter. My computer's been having serious problems since Saturday, and fan fiction couldn't open for more than 5 minutes before it was shut down. Then, as I was determined to write the chapter whether I could upload it or not, my computer officially died on Wednesday. We revived it for a bit today but it just went through spasms again and we had to shut it down. Sad, I know. All of my documents (and the half of the chapter I had already completed) were on it.

Well, a category 3 crash is no excuse to not respond to my reviewers, who were, as usual, fantastic. So, here we go:

**Bingbangboom714 - **Thanks! I hope you'll like this chapter…I'll have so much more time to update stuff after December 6th, which is my last weekend test, but I'll try to finish this before then.

**Inherently Flawed - **Don't let curiosity kill you! Everything will reveal itself!

**JAMonMyToast - **Thanks! It always shocks me when I make people curious…I always think I'm being so obvious.

**DragonWingedHanyou** - Arsenic? You got it. Charlie…Chaaarrrrliiieee…We're on a bridge, Charlie!

So my story is now officially AU, because a.) Toby's in the hospital, b.) Pam's at school, and c.) We all know what happened at the gas station…! That was much better than fireworks…I know you disagree, Liz, but that's how it goes. Spontaneity rules!

No more stalling. I own nothing, and I want to finish this soon so I can start my 30 Rock fic, since it won't be AU until OCTOBER 30!! So unfair…

* * *

**EMAILS SENT 9/10/08**

To: Pam (BeezNeez)

From: Jim (JHalpert)

Subject: Where are you?

Time: 9:45 am

Pam,

I stopped by yesterday, but you didn't answer the door. I tried to use my key but the top lock was locked and I don't have a key for that. I'm really worried, Pam. I think I'm going to have to call the police. If you're reading this, please come back. Please.

Love,

Jim

--

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Angela (AngelaMartin)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: What was that for?

Time: 10:00 am

Dwight:

Why would I know anything about arsenic?

Angela

--

To: Angela (AngelaMartin)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: What was that for?

Time: 10:05

Monkey:

I'm trying. I know 53 ways to kill a person - I'm in the process of learning number 54 - but none of them are subtle enough. I can't just walk up and stab him. On the other hand…

Anyway, I'm preoccupied with this Pam situation. I still think she's playing hooky, but if she's not, this could be my chance to solve an actual crime! I haven't even gotten close in two years.

Love,

Dwight

--

To: Jim (JHalpert)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: Drop the phone.

Time: 10:15

Halpert:

Do not call the police. I am taking this case into my own hands. If you call the police you will be fired.

Dwight Shrute, Acting Assistant Regional Manager

--

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Jim (JHalpert)

Subject: RE: Drop the phone

Time: 10:17

I don't think telling me not to call to report a missing person is under the umbrella of your authority. You're not even a volunteer deputy police whatever anymore. And really, acting ARM?

Jim

--

To: Jim (JHalpert)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: RE: RE: Drop the phone

Time: 10:20

Halpert:

You are prohibited from calling the police in this office. I have declared myself the acting ARM because I am going to handle this case, whether you want me to or not. Now sit down and sell paper, like a good employee. I see you haven't sold more than thirty reams since Monday. Pathetic.

Dwight Shrute, ARM

--

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Jim (JHalpert)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: Drop the phone

Time: 10:25

I think only Michael has the ability to make you the ARM. However, I, as the official ARM, can make you Assistant to the ARM, if that is what you'd like. And what did you do with all the "evidence" you collected? Don't you think it would be better to just let the police handle this?

Jim Halpert, ARM

--

To: Jim (JHalpert)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Drop the phone

Time: 10:30

Halpert:

You aggravate me. The police won't do anything: They'll open a file, ask us useless questions, raid her apartment, and that's it. I, however, have access to something they will never have: Pam's email password. Michael gave me all the passwords as a safety measure in case he died. Which, by the looks of him right now, isn't too unlikely, I'm afraid to say.

Also, I will never be your assistant.

Dwight Shrute, Original ARM

--

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Jim (JHalpert)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Drop the phone

Time: 10:34

Whoa. Whoa. You are not hacking into Pam's email. You can't do that.

Jim

--

To: Jim (JHalpert)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Drop the phone

Time: 10:40

Halpert:

Sorry, too late. It's already up. Man, she emails Toby a lot…

Dwight Shrute, Original Assistant Regional Manager

--

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Jim (JHalpert)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Drop the phone

Time: 10:42

Let me see that.

Jim

* * *

A/N: These next few are emails between Toby and Pam that Jim is reading. They are in the past, and you can tell when they are from by the date. Clearing that up.

* * *

To: Pam (BeezNeez)

From: Toby (TFlenderson)

Subject: Hi

Date: 8/1/08

Hi Pam,

It's been a while since we've talked. Not since the going away party, I think. That was really…something. That's the only word I can find.

Anyway, how's Dunder Mifflin? Is Holly surviving? Does Michael hate her yet? I don't know if it was me or the position that he hated, to be honest.

Write back soon.

Your friend,

Toby

--

To: Toby (TFlenderson)

From: Pam (BeezNeez)

Subject: RE: Hi

Date: 8/4/08

Hey Toby,

It's great to hear from you! How's Costa Rica?

You're right, that party really was something, especially the whole Andy thing. I wasn't expecting that. To be honest, I was expecting the same question coming from someone else…

But anyway, Michael doesn't seem to hate Holly. Actually, Jim told me that he's giving him romantic advice. That is, when he's not locked in his office talking to Jan.

I'm actually leaving for art school in mid September. Did you hear? I got accepted to Pratt! I'm so excited.

Your friend,

Pam

--

To: Pam (BeezNeez)

From: Toby (TFlenderson)

Subject: RE: RE: Hi

Date: 8/8/08

Pam,

Oh my gosh, you got in? Pam, I'm so happy for you. That's great. I think you need to get away from that office for a while. Get a break from the same old people.

I actually haven't left for Costa Rica yet. Turns out my daughter was signed up for day camp but her mother couldn't take her every day, so that's basically most of what I've been doing. But it's great to be spending some time with her, since I won't be seeing her much after I move.

I should have figured that it was me Michael hated. Any new office nightmares?

The Olympics start today. I'm having a little opening ceremonies party at my place. DO you want to come?

Your friend,

Toby

--

To: Toby (TFlenderson)

From: Pam (BeezNeez)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: Hi

Date: 8/12/08

Toby,

Sorry, I didn't get your email until this morning, and by then it was too late. I just watched them with Jim.

I'm really excited for art school. I think this is my chance to really do something for myself for once.

How is your daughter doing? Last time I saw her, she was four. She has to be, what, six or seven now? She's around my niece's age. Maybe they should get together sometime.

Your friend,

Pam

--

To: Pam (BeezNeez)

From: Toby (TFlenderson)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Hi

Date: 8/16/08

Pam,

So you're still with Jim? How's that working out?

Wow, just a few more weeks until I go to Costa Rica. This may sound hard to believe, but I'm going to miss Scranton, at least a little. There are some things I'll miss more than others.

Toby

--

To: Toby (TFlenderson)

From: Pam (BeezNeez)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Hi

Date: 8/20/08

Toby,

Things with Jim are…fine, I guess. I'm going to miss him when I leave. I just wish he'd stop joking about proposing. Still, he's better than Roy. Much better.

I guess I'll miss it here when I go away, too. And I guess I'll miss some things more than others.

Pam

--

To: Pam (BeezNeez)

From: Toby (TFlenderson)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Hi

Date: 8/21/08

Pam,

You shouldn't stay with someone just because he's better than Roy. How are things really going?

I think I know what I'll miss most.

Toby

--

To: Toby (TFlenderson)

From: Pam (BeezNeez)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Hi

Date: 8/23/08

Toby,

I'm not just staying with Jim because he's better than Roy. I'm really happy in this relationship. It's not perfect, but it's as close as I'll get an time soon.

What are you going to do in Costa Rica?

Pam

--

To: Pam (BeezNeez)

From: Toby (TFlenderson)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Hi

Date: 8/25/08

Pam,

Alright. At least you're happy. I'm not sure Jim's best for you, but alright.

Costa Rica…Well, Of course I'm going to go to the beach, learn to surf like I thought I would a year and a half ago, and just relax for once, but I think I'll try zip lining. It's supposed to be fun.

I'm leaving in about a week. We should see each other before I go. I'm going to miss you.

Toby

--

To: Toby (TFlenderson)

From: Pam (BeezNeez)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Hi

Date: 8/27/08

Toby,

That sounds like fun!

I agree, we should see each other soon. What do you have in mind?

Pam

--

To: Pam (BeezNeez)

From: Toby (TFlenderson)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Hi

Date: 8/29/08

Pam,

How about the fifth? Why don't you come over after work?

Toby

--

To: Toby (TFlenderson)

From: Pam (BeezNeez)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Hi

Date: 9/1/08

Toby,

The fifth sounds great. See you then!

Pam.

* * *

Time is ticking! Please continue to read and review! This is the best audience I have ever had for any story, even better than Dilemmas. (I'm counting chapters 1 and 2 as one chapter, as well as chapters 3 and 4, as they are in two parts.) I have off from school Tuesday and Wednesday, so I'll try to update then, but no promises, as the internet on this laptop decides when it wants to work.


	9. Thursday

Hi again! Fanfiction's being weird to me, and chapter 8 doesn't show up when I look at office fics. Still, I know it's there somewhere because of my faithful reviewers. You have no idea how happy I get when I see those reviews. Thank you.

**DragonWingedHanyou- **Aw, thanks, Lissa! (See, I called you Lissa, that's how thankful I am.) You were right, by the way…did you hear who wrote songs for the Twilight soundtrack? PARAMORE. Now I actually WANT to see the movie!

**Iheartstanley - **Is he? We don't know anything for sure yet...

**JAMonMyToast** - Thanks! Don't let this attempt at a mystery kill you, though. It's just a story, and we all know where Pam really is: In NY, with a brand-new ring on her finger!!

**Inherently Flawed** - Well, I can't wait to see your reaction to the ending I've been planning for a month…

**XALLOWspuffyBuFf - **Thanks! I try to improve the story when I can. I'm attempting to make the 3 dramas work.

I curse a bit in this chapter (Specifically in Jim's last email to Toby), but you'll notice that I whimped out of dropping the F-bomb, so I just dashed it out. Yeah, I'm a wuss. Lissa, if you want to call me on it, be my guest.

I'm going to be a ball of nerves this week, so I may be a little short on the funny. I tried to make up for the melodrama in this chapter with Kelly's diary entry, but It didn't really work. Still, I'm trying…

* * *

**EMAILS SENT 9/11/08**

To: Michael (Thatswhatshesaid)

From: Jan (Jan )

Subject: Sorry

Time: 9:43 am

I'm sorry I shouted at you on the phone. Did anyone else hear? I'm not sure I want them knowing about every detail of my pregnant life.

Jan

* * *

To: Jan (Jan )

From: Michael (Thatswhatshesaid)

Subject: RE: Sorry

Time: 9:48 am

I think they might have heard but it doesn't matter. Don't worry about the yelling. Everyone does it sometimes.

Michael

* * *

To: Michael (Thatswhatshesaid)

From: Jan (Jan )

Subject: RE: RE: Sorry

Time: 9:54 am

You sure no one thinks it's weird that looking at your shoes made me throw up? What were those shoes doing there anyway?

Jan

* * *

To: Jan (Jan )

From: Michael (Thatswhatshesaid)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: Sorry

Time: 9:59 am

No, no, no one will think it's weird. But those were my favorite shoes you threw up on. Never mind, it's fine. I'll replace them.Michael

* * *

To: Michael (Thatswhatshesaid)

From: Jan (Jan )

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Sorry

Time: 10:05 am

Don't act so sad, they were just a pair of shoes. I've got bigger problems. Earlier today I stepped on a jack and my foot hurt for about fifteen minutes. Is that normal? You have no idea how hard it is to be going through these mood swings and not drink! Oh, Michael, I'm so sorry, I just threw up again on your bench. I'm sorry.

Jan

* * *

To: Toby (TFlenderson)

From: Jim (JHalpert)

Subject: What's up?

Date: 10:20 am

Toby,

Hey, what's up? Haven't heard from you in a while. How's Costa Rica? When did you leave?

Things here are…okay. I actually haven't heard from Pam in a while…she hasn't been showing up for work lately. I checked her apartment but she wasn't there. Do you have any idea where she is? I know she talks to you a fair amount.

Jim

* * *

To: Angela (AngelaMartin)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: Andy

Time: 10:26 am

Monkey:

I think I've done it. I know how I'm going to get rid of Andy. Here's the plan:

Every afternoon, Andy eats an apple. What I plan to do is coat his apple with bad-tasting nail polish. He will bite it and immediately run to spit it out. He will then trip over the rope I will set up and fall directly on a "misplaced" knife. The whole thing will look like an accident. You will have to act very sad, and I will pretend to comfort you in your grief. We will then meet in the storage room for cookies, if you know what I mean.

Love,

Dwight

* * *

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Angela (AngelaMartin)

Subject: RE: Andy

Time: 10:41 am

Dwight:

I'm having second thoughts about this. Andy's a very…nice person. I'm sure I can dissuade him from holding our wedding at that synagogue. Oh, who am I kidding? Go ahead.

Angela

* * *

To: Toby (TFlenderson)

From: Jim (JHalpert)

Subject: Pam

Time: 11:38 am

Look, Toby, I'm getting kind of concerned about Pam. You don't know what could have happened to her, do you? I hate to think someone might be holding her hostage or something.

Jim

* * *

To: Oscar (OMartinez)

From: Kevin (ScrantonicityII)

Subject: Our bet

Time: 11:45 am

Okay, Michael's been in his office almost a week. I'm sure of it, I bet he gets sick of it and leaves today. I bet you fifty dollars.

Kevin

P.S. Why are you hanging out with Holly all the time? She's so…stupid. And mean. I was totally wrong about her.

* * *

To: Kevin (ScrantonicityII)

From: Oscar (OMartinez)

Subject: RE: Our bet

Time: 11:50 am

Fine, but this is the last time. So far you already owe me two hundred dollars. He's not leaving any time soon. Did you hear the yelling this morning?

Oscar

P.S. Holly isn't mean. She's not too bright, but she doesn't mean any harm.

* * *

To: Oscar (OMartinez)

From: Holly (HFlax)

Subject: Michael

Time: 12:00 pm

Oscar,

What was all that yelling on the phone in Michael's office about? Do you think he and Jan are okay? Poor guy.

Holly

* * *

To: Toby (TFlenderson)

From: Jim (JHalpert)

Subject: Where's Pam?

Time: 2:15 pm

Alright, I'm getting sick of this. I know you know where Pam is, and I intend to find out exactly what happened to her. It would be a lot easier on both of us if you would just tell me where the hell she is. I know you know what happened.

Jim

* * *

To: Kelly (Angelface25)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: Pam's case

Time: 2:30 pm

Monkey:

I'm having a really hard time with this case. Maybe you can help. Attached is the file I've opened on Pam. Take a look and see what you can figure out.

P.S. Where would one buy nail polish?

* * *

**ATTACHMENT: PAM'S FILE**

Date opened: 9/9/08

Date closed: ?

Describe situation: Pam Beesly did not report to work on Monday, nor did she report to work Tuesday or any day following so far. She has not called in sick any of the days, and not even her pathetic boyfriend has been able to make any contact with her.

Suspects:

1.) Jim Halpert: Sounds just like the kind of sick prank he would pull. I bet she's fine.

2.) Toby Flenderson: He was, reportedly, the last to see Pam, and his numerous emails with her are enclosed. She was invited to his residence on the last night she was seen, and testimonies report that she did, indeed, go.

3.) Andrew Bernard: I don't trust him as far as I could throw him.

Evidence: Testimonies, emails (enclosed), Pam's email password: wightdayellfayorfayitay (Doesn't sound like Pam to use random letters for a password, but it's definitely hers...)

* * *

To: Michael (Thatswhatshesaid)

From: Holly (HFlax)

Subject: Jan

Time: 3:01 pm

Michael,

How are things going with Jan? She sounded angry over the phone. Want to talk about it?

Holly

* * *

To: Holly (HFlax)

From: Michael (Thatswhatshesaid)

Subject: RE: Jan

Time: 3:05

Holly,

No, I don't want to talk about it, but thanks. I just want to bury my head in a big hole of candy. You understand.

Michael

* * *

To: Toby (TFlenderson)

From: Jim (JHalpert)

Subject: What did you do with Pam?

Time: 4:48 pm

I know you took her. I know you f--ing took her. I'm going to find you, and you'll be sorry. Let her go. I'm sick of this f--ing game. If I don't see her in the next day, I'm going to call the police. I don't give a shit what Dwight says. What the f-- did you do with her?

* * *

To: Pam (BeezNeez)

From: Jim (JHalpert)

Subject: Hold on

Time: 4:59 pm

Pam,

Hold on. I don't know exactly where you are but I know what happened and I'm going to find you. You're going to be okay. Just, whatever he's doing to you, please hold on. Please. I love you and you're going to be okay once I find you.

Jim

* * *

To: Angela (AngelaMartin)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: Well?

Time: 5:08

Monkey:

Did you figure anything out? Did you even read it? Come on, Monkey, I need help with this.

Love,

Dwight

* * *

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Angela (AngelaMartin)

Subject: RE: Well?

Time: 5:15

Dwight:

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Angela

* * *

**_From the Diaries of Kelly Kapoor_**

_9/11/08_

_Dear Diary,_

_OMG! Pam's still missing. It's Thursday, for crying out loud. Why haven't they found her? I hate answering phones. Today someone called and asked about what kind of __cardstock we sold, and I couldn't answer their questions. It was horrible. _

_On the bright side, guess what happened today? Dwight sent me Pam's file! Can you believe it! I think he might have meant to send it to Angela, because he called me "Monkey" or something like that and besides, our email addresses are totally similar. Hers is AngelaMartin, which is, like, so boring, but MINE is Angelface25, which is perfect because people say I have an angel face (at least my high-school boyfriend did) and I've been able to say I was 25 since I was, like, 18. I swear. And I'm 27 now! But anyway, I'm totally going to play Nancy Drew now. That movie was so cool… Look out, world, Kelly is on the case!_

_Also, Dwight asked something about nail polish, and I totally don't get why he wants nail polish, but that reminds me, mine is chipping. I'm wearing bubblegum pink this week. If anything happens to Pam, I'll have to wear black, which looks horrible on me, so I'll try to find her soon so I don't have to do that._

_XOXO,_

_Kelly_

* * *

This chapter was so much fun to write, and I hope you enjoyed it. I've calculated how many chapters this story has left, and I think it's somewhere around 5, because a LOT happens Friday, and it may need 3 separate chapters. I haven't figured that out yet. But anyway, keep reviewing, and I'll keep trying to survive algebra. And test prep. And essay writing, which I can't do. Not to mention piano. Oh boy.


	10. Friday Morning

I don't know how, I don't know why, but I do know that that was the most reviews I've gotten for any single chapter ever. I don't even think the chapter deserved it, but you guys are awesome. To add to it, they were all delivered at the same time because fan fiction was being weird and not telling me about my reviews. You guys rock.

**Inherently Flawed - **Yeah, I do have it planned out. I can't write a beginning unless I already know the ending. Thanks, and hope you like it!

**Iheartstanley - **Not sure how to take that, but at least it wasn't boring…I hope you'll find that this chapter makes more sense.

**DragonWingedHanyou**- Thanks, even though you called me a wuss 15 times. I deserved it. Have fun at wherever you're going for Rosh Hashanah or however it's spelled...

**Jscho - **Thanks! I'm trying to break up the angst with humor, although I've been a little short of it lately.

**TJtrack99** - Thanks! The email style was weird for me too, but that's why I went for it.

**Bingbangboom714 - **It's okay. Fanfiction's been messed up for me too. It didn't even show any updates of any story after the 27th until this morning. Glad you liked the Angela/Kelly mixup, it becomes really important to the story…

**JAMonMyToast - **Well, I'll try to make the ending BAM-y, but I may have to out of format for it to work…You'll find out.

**MissJedi- **I'm infamous for my suspense…Glad you like the story! Don't let it kill you!

The last chapter was all over the place, I admit, but mostly because it was setting the stage for these next few chapters. So, here we go…

* * *

_**From the Diaries of Kelly Kapoor**_

_9/12/08_

_Dear Diary,_

_This detective stuff is harder than I thought, especially when this dumb phone keeps ringing. I just want to shout "SHUT UP!" into the phone, but then they'll think I'm, like, PMSing or something. Which I'm not. At least, I don't think so. But whatever. _

_I found Pam's phone! It was in her desk and it was totally dead. I plugged it in to charge it. It should be done charging by lunch. _

_Dwight's acting totally weird. He's all shifty-eyed and he keeps looking at Angela and at Andy. Oh well. It's probably not that big a deal. It's not like he's a murderer or anything._

_XOXO,_

_Kelly_

* * *

**EMAILS SENT 9/12/08**

To: Michael (Thatswhatshesaid)

From: Jan (Jan serenity)

Subject: Lamaze class

Time: 9:28 am

You're coming to my Lamaze class today, right?

Jan

* * *

To: Jan (Jan serenity)

From: Michael

Subject: RE: Lamaze class

Time: 9:34 am

Yeah, I'm coming. Work's been blech as usual, but I can take off.

Michael

* * *

To: Jan (Jan serenity)

From: Michael

Subject: RE: RE: Lamaze class

Time: 9:39 am

Are you giving me attitude about this? I'm sorry that I'm a woman and I'm sorry that I'm going to give birth to this fricking kid in a fricking month. Ugh, I should have never…

Jan

* * *

To: Jan (Jan serenity)

From: Michael (Thatswhatshesaid)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: Lamaze class

Time: 9:45

You know what? I'll be there, and we're going to be the best darn lamazers in the place. A month? Really? Wow, time moves fast…

Michael

* * *

To: Toby (TFlenderson)

From: Jim (JHalpert)

Subject: Where is she?

Time: 9:56

I swear, you'll be sorry if you don't tell me where she is and what you did to her.

* * *

To: Angela (AngelaMartin)

From: Andy (Trebblemaker3000)

Subject: Wedding plans

Time: 10:15 am

My flower,

You've been avoiding me lately, I can tell because I said hi to you this morning and you walked in the opposite direction… everything okay? Also, Dwight's been staring at me. It's getting a little creepy.

Andy

* * *

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Angela (AngelaMartin)

Subject: Hurry

Time: 10:20 am

Dwight:

Andy's getting suspicious. If you're going to do this, hurry up and do it. Now he's saying that he's allergic to cats so when we get married I'll have to get rid of mine.

Angela

* * *

To: Angela (AngelaMartin)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: RE: Hurry

Time: 10:24 am

Monkey:

I just went in to the kitchen and painted what I hoped was his apple with the nail polish. Nasty stuff, I tasted it. Although I don't think it's meant to be eaten…my mouth feels funny…

Love,

Dwight

To: Michael (Thatswhatshesaid)

From: Holly (HFlax)

Subject: Jan

Time: 10:35 am

Is everything ok with Jan?

Holly

* * *

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Angela (AngelaMartin)

Subject: Second thoughts

Time: 11:35 am

Dwight:

I'm not sure I want to go through with this. What was I thinking? Murder is a sin! I just can't do this, Dwight.

Angela

* * *

To: Angela (AngelaMartin)

From: Kelly (Angelface25)

Subject: R U OK??

Time: 11:38

R U OK?? You look so nervous. I mean, you always look, like, angry and stuff, but you look soooo much worse right now.

XOXO,

Kelly

P.S. That bridesmaid offer still stands!

* * *

To: Angela (AngelaMartin)

From: Meredith (MPalmer)

Subject: Everything ok?

Time: 11:40

Everything ok? You look tense. I've got some whiskey in my bag if you need. It'll be our little secret.

Meredith

* * *

To: Angela (AngelaMartin)

From: Creed (Creedster)

Subject: Hey sweetheart

Time: 11:42

You ok, sweetheart? You look tense. I've got some painkillers in my bag if you need. They're great, and I'm pretty sure they're still good. You want?

Creed

* * *

To: Angela (AngelaMartin)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: RE: Second thoughts

Time: 10:45 am

Monkey:

Come on, Monkey! You can't marry him! And as my grandfather, Dwide Shrude, once said, "If you have a problem, kill it."

Love,

Dwight

* * *

_**From the Diaries of Kelly Kapoor**_

_Later, same day_

_Dear Diary,_

_It's almost lunch. Pam's phone is charged and it keeps saying she has messages but I'm not going to check them because they're probably all from Jim which is sooooooooooo romantic but totally useless and even if they're not all from Jim, I know I would HATE it if someone snooped around in my phone. Oh, darn it, I wonder how many texts I've sent this month…I bet my bill will be HUGE! But whatever. I'm going to stop by Pam's place on my lunch break and see if I find anything…solving mysteries is so much fun! And if I find her and become famous, that'll really show Ryan…  
XOXO,  
Kelly_

* * *

To: Michael (Thatswhatshesaid)

From: Jan (Jan serenity)

Subject: (no subject)

Time: 11:55

Michael, I just feel so lonely. Can you stay home from work tomorrow? You know, call in sick or something? I'm going to take a break from candles for a while. That "Wide Awake" candle makes me think of coffee, which I can't have for another month. I hate being pregnant. I just hate it.

Jan

* * *

To: Jan (Jan serenity)

From: Michael (Thatswhatshesaid)

Subject: RE: (no subject)

Time: 12:01

Sorry, babe, can't take off work, you know how those paper buyers can get. Boy, it's like, "Give me my paper or I'll shoot you!" Well, no, they won't shoot me, but it's bad…Go ahead and take a break from the candles. I know it makes me dizzy walking in there with all those different odors…

Michael

* * *

To: Michael (Thatswhatshesaid)

From: Jan (Jan serenity)

Subject: RE: RE: ( no subject)

Time: 12:10

Oh, so that's what you think of my candles, huh? I knew you never supported me! And you know what? I bet you're only saying you're busy because you don't want to be home with me! Ugh, I wish I had just made Hunter use something…

Jan

* * *

To: Jan (Jan serenity)

From: Michael (Thatswhatshesaid)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: (no subject)

Time: 12:03

Wait, what about Hunter? Were you cheating on me?

Michael

* * *

To: Michael (Thatswhatshesaid)

From: Jan (Jan serenity)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: (no subject)

Time: 12:08

Oh my gosh, Michael, I'm so sorry, you weren't supposed to find out this way. I was going to tell you, eventually. I'm so sorry. But you _are_ coming to my Lamaze class, right?

Jan

* * *

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Angela (AngelaMartin)

Subject: Apples

Time: 12:30 pm

Dwight:

Well, I guess there's no turning back now. I never back down, and I have to go through with what I started.

Angela

P.S. Why did Kelly leave?

* * *

To: Angela (AngelaMartin)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: RE: Apples

Time: 12:35 pm

Monkey:

Great. He should be going to get that apple any minute now. I hadn't noticed that Kelly left, but you can be sure I'll interrogate and punish her as necessary.

Love,

Dwight

* * *

To: Kelly (AngelFace25)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: Leaving without permission

Time: 12:40

Kelly Kapoor:

You left without permission. I demand an excuse why or you will be reported to Jim, who will then report you to Michael, who will probably leave me to deal with it as he is too busy sobbing in his office.

Cordially,

Dwight Shrute, Assistant Regional Manager

* * *

_**From the Diaries of Kelly Kapoor**_

_After lunch_

_Dear Diary,_

_Dwight's being all uptight about me leaving, but it's no big. I found a note on Pam's door, and it's totally weird. It's in her handwriting, but it's sort of…off. I'll slip it in here for now so I don't lose it._

_Michael's still in his office. STILL! It's been a week. Now he's sobbing about something and he's totally pathetic._

_I just realized what was so weird about that letter...I'm checking Pam's messages whether she'll be pissed at me or not! _

_XOXO,_

_Kelly_

_P.S. I can just hear that phone message in my ears: "Kelly, I'm sorry, you're amazing, you're perfect, I was an asshole, please take me back…" blah blah blah blah blah. _

* * *

A/N: This is the note she found on the door. Again, clearing it up.

* * *

_Jim,_

_I had to leave Scranton. Tell Michael I'm not coming back. I don't think we were right for each other, anyway. I found someone better, and I'm going to start my life over._

_Pammy_

* * *

Happy New Year to those who celebrate it, happy day off from school to those who don't, and thank you to everyone who reads and reviews this piece!

P.S. It may or may not be up when you read this, but I just finished writing chapter one of Too Many Phones, my 30 Rock fic, today, and it'll be posted under "Others" and rated T. Look for it!


	11. Friday Afternoon

Thanks again for the incredible reviews. I'm always so surprised when I get people guessing.

**JAMonMyToast** - Thanks! I know the summary took a while to make sense, but I had it all planned out...This whole story actually started because I wanted Kelly to be the hero for once.  
**bingbangboom - **Hm...I know I said you were less off than you thought you were, but let me clarify. You were half right. Which half, I'm not going to say, but you were half right. And now, your new prediction was also half right. I know, I'm being cruel. Sorry.  
**MissJedi - **I am the world's largest JAM supporter. I am such a JAM supporter that I will only eat jelly if it accompanied by peanut butter, and I always choose jam over jelly even though I have no prefference in taste. So, yes, I support PB&J/Jam. But that doesn't mean you can't be a little mean to them in fanfictions sometimes...  
**wildthing008** - Glad you got it!  
**Inherently Flawed - **You didn't get the day off? Wow, that sucks. If it makes you feel better, though, I had a real test and a practice one this weekend, and each was at least 2 hours. And, no, it's not bad if FF alerts are the most interesting thing in your inbox. Review alerts are the most interesting thing in mine.  
**DragonWingedHanyou - **Drama Llama! (P.S. how did things go this weekend? Also, Tina Fey did it again. I'll send you the vid.)  
**Dizzy The Magical Fpoon - **Yeah, I like seeing Jim in a mood he's not usually in. And angry Jim is just...sigh...yeah.

Make sure you read Kelly's diary entries carefully...don't want to miss anything...

_

* * *

__**From the Diaries of Kelly Kapoor**_

_Later_

_Dear Diary_

_OMG. I looked at the texts…the note makes sense now…I have to tell Jim!_

_XOXO,_

_Kelly_

* * *

**INBOX: NEW MESSEGES**

Friday, 9/5/08

Roy (570-555-1234)

I want you back, Pammy. Let's talk.

Friday, 9/5/08

Roy cell (917-555-1324)

Where are you?

Friday, 9/5/08

Roy cell (917-555-1324)

You'd better not be out with Halpert.

Friday, 9/5/08

Roy cell (917-555-1324)

I'll teach you to ignore me.

* * *

**EMAILS SENT 9/12/08 (cont.)**

To: Jim (JHalpert)

From: Kelly (Angelface25)

Subject: I know what happened to Pam!!

Time: 2:00 pm

Jim, you _have_ to listen to me. I know what happened to Pam. At first, I was like, OMG, but it totally makes sense. You _have_ to believe me.

XOXO,

Kelly

* * *

To: Kelly (Angelface25)

From: Jim (JHalpert)

Subject: RE: I know what happened to Pam!!

Time: 2:05

So do I. It was Toby. Now I'm just trying to figure out what he did with her.

* * *

To: Jim (JHalpert)

From: Kelly (Angelface25)

Subject: RE: RE: I know what happened to Pam!!

Time: 2:25

Jim, you HAVE to believe me. I figured it out!!

* * *

To: Angela (AngelaMartin)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: Almost time

Time: 2:30

Monkey:

He's going to get his apple now… We can finally be together! Once he's out of the way, con can move into my farm, and I'll teach you how to make beet wine! We'll start a whole new life together, me, you, and Mose.

Love,

Dwight

* * *

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Angela (AngelaMartin)

Subject: RE: Almost time

Time: 2:33

Dwight:

Okay, but I have no interest in making beet wine, nor with living anywhere near that cousin of yours. And anyway, how do you know you painted the right apple?

Angela

* * *

To: Angela (AngelaMartin)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: RE: RE: Almost time

Time: 2:35

Monkey:

Beet wine is delicious, and I'm sure that you'll love Mose once you get to know him. And I do know I got the right apple, he's biting into it right now…

Dwight

* * *

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Angela (AngelaMartin)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: Almost time

Time: 2:38

Dwight:

Something's wrong. He isn't spitting it out! He's eating it!

Angela

* * *

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Angela (AngelaMartin)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Almost time

Time: 2:40

Monkey:

Stay calm. I guess he has weird tastes or something.

Dwight

* * *

_**From the Diaries of Kelly Kapoor**_

_3-ish. Watches look horrible on me._

_Dear Diary,_

_The weirdest thing just happened! I'm trying to convince Jim that I know what really happened, (which is going HORRIBLY, by the way,) and all of a sudden Stanley jumps up and spits out the bite of apple he was eating, which looked so gross! Then he muttered, "What in God's name…" while staring at his apple. He looked around the office, then said, "Did someone do somethin' to my apple?"  
__Angela gets all nervous, moving around in her chair, but Stanley doesn't even notice. Then Andy coughed and Stanley gave him a total death glare, like the one I gave the lady at H&M last week when we both grabbed the last pink blouse at the same time. So Stanley's all, like, "Did you do somethin' to my apple?" Then Andy turns around and he's all,  
__"I think you mean __**my**__ apple,"  
__and then they get into some argument about who's apple it is, and I'm not really paying much attention because I just noticed that my NEW COAT of nail polish is already chipping. But then finally, Stanley admits that Andy ate his apple, so he decided it was fair if he ate Andy's. __Anyway, then Andy's all, like, "Hey, did anyone do anything to this apple?" and Dwight totally looks down, and no one saw but me. So then Andy gets really mad, cause he thinks someone messed with his apple, and he starts storming off to Angela's desk, and he trips over something on the way!  
__I ran over to check if he was ok, and I saw a knife about three inches from where he landed! So Angela rushes over, and she's all, "Are you okay?" but you can tell she totally doesn't care. Dwight runs over and picks up the knife, but he drops it right as it's over Andy's back. I was like, Omigod, Andy's going to die!  
__But the knife didn't actually hit him, because he rolled over and jumped up. He stood there for a minute, then asked why a random piece of rope was tied across the aisle. So Angela looks all guilty and goes,  
__"Let me explain."  
__Andy turns around to have her and he's all, "YOU did this?" So then he starts shouting stuff at her and none of it makes sense (I'm pretty sure I heard the words "dollar value meal" in there). And then Dwight taps Andy on the shoulder, and he turns around, and Dwight HITS HIM, right there! So then Andy started to scream at Dwight, something about the letter D, so Michael stumbles out of his office, yells "SHUT UP!" and walks stumbles back in. He's totally still sobbing, btw. But anyway, everyone sat down, and now Dwight and Andy are typing so loudly I can barely hear myself think! Well, I can never really hear myself think, because, really, who thinks in words, but you get the idea.  
__Well, I should get back to work. I missed, like, 5 calls writing this. _

_XOXO,_

_Kelly_

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Andy (Trebblemaker3000

Subject: Angela

Time: 3:06

I can't believe you would try to take my lady, man! That is not cool. And THEN you tried to KILL me! I mean, come on, Big Knife Hiding Guy!

* * *

To: Andy (Trebblemaker3000)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: RE: Angela

Time: 3:10

Andy:

Fact: You took her from me first, I was only returning the favor. Also, I will not apologize for attempting to get you out of the way so that I could be with Angela.

Cordially,

Dwight Shurte, Acting Regional Manager

* * *

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Andy (Trebblemaker3000)

Subject: RE: RE: Angela

Time: 3:14

I can't believe she wanted me dead so badly. What do you think it was? Maybe it was that I was too cool and she couldn't handle it. Yeah, that sounds about right. Damn it! You tried to kill me! I can't believe you would do something like that, after I've been coming to you with my details on Angela for, like, a year! What is with you?? What is with her??

* * *

To: Angela (AngelaMartin)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: Andy

Time: 3:20

Monkey:

Well, we were found out, and Andy's still alive. But on the bright side, I doubt he'll want you back after you tried to kill him, so we can be together! Isn't that great?

Love,

Dwight

* * *

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Angela (AngelaMartin)

Subject: RE: Andy

Time: 3:25

Dwight:

Don't "monkey" me. I'd rather not talk about it.

Angela

* * *

To: Michael (Thatswhatshesaid)

From: Holly (HFlax)

Subject: You okay?

Time: 3:30

You okay? You seemed pretty shaken up when you came out of the office. I wonder what that argument was about, huh? Are things with Jan ok?

Holly

* * *

To: Holly (HFlax)

From: Micahel (Thatswhatshesaid)

Subject: RE: You okay?

Time: 3: 34

Yeah, I'm okay. Jan cheated on me and now she's pregnant with her assistant's baby, but I'm totally fine. That baby's going to have a really stupid face anyway, if he looks anything like his father.

Michael

* * *

To: Michael (Thatswhatshesaid)

From: Holly (HFlax)

Subject: RE: RE: You okay?

Time: 3:38

That's horrible. People like that should just die. You seem lonely in there, though. You want me to come in and cheer you up a little?

Holly

* * *

To: Holly (HFlax)

From: Michael (Thatswhatshesaid)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: You okay?

Time: 3:44

That would be great. I'm going to drown in my pool of tears and loneliness a little longer, then you can come in.

Michael

* * *

To: Jim (JHalpert)

From: Kelly (AngelFace25)

Subject: Pam

Time: 4:32

Jim, you HAVE to believe me! I know you think you know where she is but I really know where she is and I know you don't believe me but STILL!! PLEASE??

* * *

To: Kelly (AngelFace25)

From: Jim (JHalpert)

Subject: RE: Pam

Time: 4:35

Kelly, I appreciate your help, but I know where she is. I just have to find her.

* * *

To: Jim (JHalpert)

From: Kelly (AngelFace25)

Subject: RE: RE: Pam

Time: 4:41

PLEEEEAAAASSSEEE?? Jim, I know you think you're right but you're not! I am! I have proof! I went to her house and snooped through her phone and everything!!

* * *

To: Kelly (AngelFace25)

From: Jim (JHalpert)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: Pam

Time: 4:43

Well, I went to her house too, and I saw her email.

* * *

To: Jim (JHalpert

From: Kelly (AngelFace25)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Pam

Time: 4:46

Jim, please! I found a note on the door and it was addressed to you!! Jim, when have I lied before?

* * *

To: Kelly (AngelFace25)

From: Jim (JHalpert)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Pam

Time: 4:50

Well, you told Ryan you were pregnant about a year ago. But if you really want to show me, I guess it wouldn't hurt. Let me see that note.

* * *

To: Kelly (AngelFace25)

From: Jim (JHalpert)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Pam

Time: 4:57

Oh my God. Kelly, I'm so sorry. You were right. I'm going straight to Pam's house now.

* * *

To: Jim (JHalpert)

From: Kelly (AngelFace25)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Pam

Time: 4:58

Jim, can I come with you? PLEASE??

* * *

To: Kelly (AngelFace25)

From: Jim (JHalpert)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Pam

Time: 4:59

Fine. But I'm leaving now.

* * *

To: Jim (JHalpert)

From: Kelly (AngelFace25)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Pam

Time: 5:00

Yay! Thank you thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU!!

WAIT!! OMG!! DID U C THAT?? MICHAEL JUST KISSED HOLLY!!

Hey, where are you going?

* * *

With only 3 chapters left, we're nearing our conclusion…please review!

10/18/08: ANNOUNCEMENT: Due to my grade on a recent trig test that went absolutely horribly, I have been banned from the internet until after the 25th. Sucks, I know. Anyway, I WILL update then, so don't yell at me. I am working hard at math and this WILL NOT happen again.


	12. Friday Night

_I'm back! And I'm passing math! I don't know what I'm getting, but I'm passing! We're done with Trig, so now we're on Integrated Algebra which is much easier. I just finished my HUGE test earlier today, and I'm not sure how I did, but I was prepped and I answered every question as best I could, and there's really nothing I can do about it for now._

_My reviewers are all incredibly awesome. Now I must respond to them:_

_**Iheartstanley**__ - Yay hero Kelly! I don't remember saying anything about killing Jim, though…And you already read the letter. It was the one signed Pammy._

_**JAMonMyToast**__ - Thanks! Of course, since it's the office, everything important has to happen in front of everyone (or at least a cameraman) and somewhere between Monday and Friday. I mean, of course. Because stuff totally happens like that in real life. Duh._

_**Dizzy The Magical Fpoon**__ - Thanks! Sorry this took so long, internet problems followed by internet banning…_

_**Bingbangboom714 - **__And I, too, have a feeling that you have a correct theory…OMG!_

_**Wildthing008 - **__Thanks! I love ending chapters with a BANG! And thanks for the PM support. I needed that. _

_**DragonWingedHanyou**__ - Yes, Angela is still Angela, but Angela will always be Angela and no amount of threats to the Angela-ness of Angela will ever change that fact. Oh, and one more thing…All the mavericks in the house put your hands up! I see you groaning in my head…_

_**BasementOfTheMansion**__ - Congratulations on being the first to decipher the pig-latin password. No, this isn't a prank, and I'm pretty sure your other questions will be answered…_

_**Miss-Jedi**__ - __Hm, that gives me an idea for a fic… __J_

_As all of you know, because of recent events in The Office, even if Pam WAS home the following chapters would be complete and total BS. Roy seems to be ok with the whole JAM thing, or, at least, he's decent enough to act like it. Jan had the baby, MICHAEL AND HOLLY ARE DATING…so, yeah, the next 3 chapters are total BS. But whatever. It's fun to pretend._

_Also: I own nothing. Also also, sorry for the address. I'm bad at making things up and I don't really know any Scranton street names…_

_**POLICE REPORT 9/12/08**_

_Nature of Case: Kidnapping_

_Victim(s): Pamela Beesly_

_Injuries sustained: Bruising of the arms and face_

_Suspect(s): Roy Anderson_

_Items taken: _

_On 9-12-08, at approximately 5:35 pm, it was reported by Jim Halpert and Kelly Kapoor that Pamela Beesly was being held against her will in apartment A of 123 Fake Street, Scranton, by Roy Anderson. Two officers responded to the report. Thus far, investigation has concluded that Anderson did indeed break into the residence of Beesly on 9-5-08 at approximately 9:00 pm. Beesly was not in her home at the time. Neighbors confirmed that Beesly entered her apartment at approximately 9:30 pm and was not seen afterwards. They have also confirmed that there were some loud noises coming from the apartment, but they did not report them because they possessed no knowledge of the source of the noise. _

_When the two officers entered the apartment, it was noted that a vase had been broken and the pieces were still on the floor. Also, phone cords had appeared to have been cut. Beesly had the imprints of ropes on her wrists, which indicate that she may have been tied up to something but had recently been untied. James Halpert and Kelly Kapoor were questioned at the scene and taken to the station for further interrogation, but so far we have found no sign that they were involved in the kidnapping. The transcripts of the interrogations of Halpert and Kapoor can be found in the following pages. Further investigation including investigation of text messages sent to Beesly's phone and emails sent to and from Beesly's account are recommended. Anderson appeared to be very heavily intoxicated. Beesly did not appear to have sustained any serious injuries, only a few bruises on her face and arms. Halpert and Kapoor both immediately claimed that Anderson had been holding Beesly. After some questioning at the scene, Beesly also confirmed this. Anderson, being intoxicated, charged at and attempted to punch Halpert. He was immediately arrested for attempted assault and suspicion of kidnapping._

_Signed:_

_Jack Connor_

Jack Conner, Police Chief

**TRANSCRIPT: INTERROGATION OF JAMES HALPERT**

INTERROGATION CONDUCTED 9-12-08 BY PETE BAUER

**BAUER:** Can you please describe the events that occurred this evening?

**HALPERT: **I was really worried about Pam, and Kelly thought she knew what happened to her, so we drove over to Pam's apartment to check it out.

**BAUER: **What was Kelly's idea?

**HALPERT: **She thought that Roy had Pam. I didn't believe her at first, but she showed me the text messages on her phone and I knew we had to go find her.

**BAUER: **Kelly read Pam's text messages?

**HALPERT: **Look, I know it's probably some sort of violation of something, but we were all really worried. Well, I was worried, and Kelly was worried, and Dwight was a jackass, but yeah, we had to find her.

**BAUER: **Dwight?

**HALPERT: **Oh, yeah, he's this guy I work with who went all CSI and tried to solve the case. But he…well, he got sidetracked.

**BAUER:** You mean Dwight Shrute?

**HALPERT: **That's him, but it really doesn't have anything to do with-

**BAUER: **I know the guy. He used to volunteer here. I'm not supposed to say this, but between the two of us, he was the biggest dork I've ever seen. Anyway, back to Pam…Had you tried to find her before tonight?

**HALPERT:** Yeah, I went to her apartment but no one answered the door and my key couldn't open it…

**(NOTE: The rest of the interrogation can be found on file under Halpert, J. It is recommended that this person be used as a witness in the trial.) **

**TRANSCRIPT: INTERROGATION OF KELLY KAPOOR**

INTERROGATION CONDUCTED 9-12-08 BY PETE BAUER

**BAUER: **Can you please describe the events that occurred this afternoon and evening?

**KAPOOR: **Ok, so, like, oh my God, Pam had been missing for, like, a week or something like that, and we were all super worried, so on my lunch break I thought I'd go check it out, 'cause, you know, she could've been anywhere. So I drive all the way to Pam's place and go to see what's up, and all I find is this weird note on the door in her handwriting, but it totally wasn't her because it was signed Pammy and she hates being called Pammy, so then I go back to the office and read her text messages, and they're all from Roy! It was so freaky. Jim totally didn't believe me because he thought Toby did it. So I'm like, "Jim, don't you get it? It was Roy!" And he's all, "No, it was Toby, I'm sure of it, did you read her emails?" And then I'm like, "Yeah, I read them, but this makes more sense!" Then he's all like, "Thanks, but I'll handle this myself", so I show him the note and he's like, Oh my God, so then we go to Pam's place and then all this weird shit happens and then, like, you told me you wanted to ask me some stuff and I'm like, sure, why not and now here we are!

**BAUER: **I'm sorry, I didn't get a word of that. Speak a little slower.

**KAPOOR: **How much slower?

**BAUER: **Well, if you can say 200 words in about 45 seconds, you're going too fast.

**KAPOOR: **How is that too fast? I always talk like that.

**BAUER: **Just try to talk so I can understand you, that's all. So you went to Pam's place…?

**KAPOOR: **Yeah, and there was this note on the door, and it was on this weird stationary that was all, like, green and stuff and there was this random stain on it. It was kinda gross.

**BAUER: **So what did the note say?

**KAPOOR:** I just told you.

(**NOTE: The interrogation was terminated at this point. It is recommended that this person is NOT used as a witness in any way or any form. DO NOT use this person as a witness.)**

Sorry for the boring-ness…everything will be explained a little more next chapter, when we hear from Pam for the first time in a week…

Byee!


	13. Weekend

Hey again! Sorry for the week-long delay - Science project, piano lessons, school interview, eesh…but I'm back! The last chapter was more of an explanation than anything, and this chapter will explain a little more. I hope everyone had an incredible Halloween!

I do not own anything in this story, but if I did, Michael and Holly would still be MOLLY.

* * *

_Dear Diary 9/13/08_

_OMG! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG __**OMG!!!!!**__ Last night was __**crazy.**__ Me and Jim drove all the way to Pam's place. Jim had his key, but the top lock was locked. I used my hair pin, which I __**really**__ didn't want to do because it's the one with the pink rhinestone butterfly on it, but it was, like, TOTALLY worth it because when we got in, everything was a total mess. Stuff had been broken, which wasn't all bad because she had this totally ugly vase that had broken and I really think it was better like that. But that's totally not the point. (Still, remind me to volunteer to help Pam shop for new stuff. I would be, like, SO good at that!)_

_So we walked into Pam's room, and we found her tied to a chair! She wasn't, like, gagged or anything, but her hands were tied to the back of the chair, which was also, like, totally ugly. It was all brown and wood and there wasn't even any pink in it. So anyway, Jim untied her and they hugged and it was so romantic I couldn't even __**stand **__it. It was like, Romeo and Juliet meets Brangelina._

_But of course, shit happens. Roy came in, and you could totally tell that he was so drunk. He smelled like beer and it was even on his clothes. So then he sees Jim, and he shouts, "You!" and charges at him! So Jim defends himself and they end up fighting and Pam's trying to pull Roy away and Roy shoves her! So then Jim gets really mad and they keep fighting, and Pam's, like, crying, but then finally Jim punches Roy and he falls down, so Jim grabbed Pam's hand and went to clean her up. It was, like, so romantic until the cops came and we had to do all this explaining and stuff._

_Pam's still totally quiet about everything and I don't know what Roy did to her but it must have sucked. Anyway, now all the questioning crap is over and I'm home and doing my nails and things are finally normal. I won't even have to go to the trial. I am SO glad that's over. Now I can focus on more important things, like that sale the mall's having tomorrow…_

_XOXO,_

_Kelly_

* * *

**EMAILS AND INSTANT MESSAGES SENT 9/13/08 **

THIS CONVERSATION STARTED 1:04 PM

**JHalpert:** Hi, Pam.

_BeezNeez has joined the conversation._

**BeezNeez: **Hey, Jim.

**JHalpert:** Is everything okay? You seemed a little shaken up when we left the station.

**BeezNeez: **I don't know. I guess I'm still a little scared.

**JHalpert:** What happened? All I know is that he broke in and was there when you got home.

**BeezNeez: **I'd rather not talk about it.

**JHalpert: **That's alright. I don't know if it's any of my business, but what were you doing out until 9?

**BeezNeez: **Jim…

**JHalpert:** Alright, I'll stop.

**BeezNeez: **The whole night was a mess. Maybe I'll be able to talk about it later.

**JHalpert: **Later sounds good, but I won't rush you. It's just great to know that you're there and that you're alright. I missed you so much. I love you.

**BeezNeez: **God, you're sappy.

**JHalpert: **Great. I proclaim my love and you tease me about it.

**BeezNOeez: **Well, you are sappy, but I love it. I love you and I missed you too.

**JHalpert: **Now _that_ was sappy.

**BeezNeez: **Alright, I earned that.

**JHalpert: **LOL.

**BeezNeez: **Really? You LOL?

**JHalpert: **Yes, Beesly, I'm pretty sure that I have laughed out loud on several occasions.

**BeezNeez: **No, you mostly just smush your lips together and kind of raise them. I'd show you later but I can't do it like you can.

**JHalpert: **LOL.

**BeezNeez: **See, that's what I meant! I never pegged you as an acronym typist.

**JHalpert: **I don't know, I'm giving it a shot. Kelly's into it and she knew where you were so maybe she deserves more credit than I give her.

**BeezNeez: **Really.

**JHalpert: **Really. I am STTTT right now.

**BeezNeez: **STTTT???

**JHalpert: **So Totally Telling The Truth. It's a Kelly-ism that I thought would sound good as one of these IM thingies.

**BeezNeez: **Well, I can out-acronym you in a second.

**JHalpert: **I bet you can't. I've got skills.

**BeezNeez: **OMG Jim, WTF? You know how to LOL and suddenly you think you can get me ROTFLMAO with your "skills"? You're lucky if you can get me LQTM. JK, BTW. BRB.

**JHalpert: **Whoa, where'd you learn to do that? And what's a BRB?

_Message sent 1:27_

**BeezNeez: **Be Right Back. I had to check my locks.

**JHalpert: **And WTF is a LQTM?

**BeezNeez: **Laughing Quietly To Myself.

**JHalpert: **Fair enough.

**BeezNeez: **So did I miss anything at work while I was…you know…

**JHalpert: **Oh boy, did you ever.

**BeezNeez: **What?

**JHalpert: **Um, well, for starters, Andy confessed that he never actually went to Cornell, and Dwight took off his human mask so we could all see his alien face.

**BeezNeez: **Shut up.

**JHalpert: **Fine. You caught me.

**BeezNeez: **So nothing happened?

**JHalpert: **Well, I heard some shouting…

**BeezNeez: **Jim…

**JHalpert: **Really, I did, but I was too worried about you to see what was up.

You were gone for a while, you know.

**BeezNeez: **That's right, it's Saturday, isn't it? Part of me feels like it has to be December, while part of me feels like it's still the sixth.

**JHalpert: **I'm just so glad we found you.

**BeezNeez: **I'll be back in a second.

**JHalpert: **What is it this time?

_Message sent 1:58_

**BeezNeez: **Sorry, I had to check my locks.

**JHalpert: **Again?

**BeezNeez: **I'm scared. He broke in once and I want to make sure it doesn't happen again.

**JHalpert: **It won't happen again. I promise.

**BeezNeez: **Alright.

**JHalpert: **But seriously, what did he do to you?

**BeezNeez: **Maybe later. I really don't want to talk about it right now.

**JHalpert: **That's fine.

**BeezNeez: **My phone's ringing. I have to go.

**JHalpert: **Call me later, okay?

**BeezNeez: **Okay. And Jim?

**JHalpert: **Yeah?

**BeezNeez: **Never LOL again.

**JHalpert: **I won't if you won't.

**BeezNeez: **Agreed. We're both too old.

_BeezNeez has left the conversation._

_JHalpert has left the conversation._

* * *

To: Angela (AngelaMartin)

From: Dwight (Battlesta51)

Subject: Us

Time: 2:36

Monkey:

We should celebrate. Come over to Shrute farms, and make sure you bring cookies. I'm hungry.

Love,

Dwight

* * *

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Angela (AngelaMartin)

Subject: RE: Us

Time: 3:00

Dwight:

No cookies. I'm not in the mood.

Angela

* * *

To: Angela (AngelaMartin)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: RE: RE: Us

Time: 3:08

Monkey:

Then what are you in the mood for?

Love,

Dwight

* * *

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Angela (AngelaMartin)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: Us

Time: 4:03

Dwight:

Don't monkey me. The only thing I'm in the mood for is prayer. I've sinned and I need to cleanse myself. Of everything.

Angela

* * *

To: Angela (AngelaMartin)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: Us

Time: 4:09

Monkey:

Can I help?

Love,

Dwight

* * *

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Angela (AngelaMartin)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Us

Time: 4:29

Dwight:

No.

Angela

* * *

**INSTANT MESSAGES SENT 9/14/08**

_Conversation started 5:32 pm._

**JHalpert: **Pam?

_BeezNeez has joined the conversation._

**BeezNeez: **Hi Jim.

**JHalpert: **Hey, I got your messages.

**BeezNeez: **I called and you weren't there.

**JHalpert: **Sorry about that. Michael called me into the office and made me help him with his Jan problems.

**BeezNeez: **Ouch.

**JHalpert: **Yeah, it sucked. But I listened to all of your messages and you really didn't sound good. I would have called you but I didn't get back until ten and I figured you'd want to go to sleep.

**BeezNeez: **I didn't sleep last night.

**JHalpert: **I know. You called me at one in the morning and hung up.

**BeezNeez: **Sorry. I felt bad about waking you up.

Anyway, how many messages did I leave? Two?

**JHalpert: **Twelve.

**BeezNeez: **Twelve? Wow.

**JHalpert: **Yeah, I know. Pam, are you okay?

**BeezNeez: **I'm fine, Jim, why?

**JHalpert: **Well, you seemed really worried and stressed and…not okay.

**BeezNeez: **I know. I don't know what's wrong with me.

**JHalpert: **Hey, you've been through a lot in the last week.

**BeezNeez: **Don't I know it.

**JHalpert: **Pam, I know you don't want to talk about it, but it sounds like Roy really did a number on you. What happened?

**BeezNeez: **Alright, I'll tell you.

**JHalpert: **Take your time. I know this is rough.

**BeezNeez: **Please, no melodrama.

**JHalpert: **Got it.

**BeezNeez: **So I came home, and Roy was there. He was really, really wasted. He slurred all this stuff about how he wanted me back, and when I said no, he got really mad.

**JHalpert: **Did he do anything to you? If he did I'll kill him.

**BeezNeez: **Please don't, Jim. I don't want you to go to jail.

**JHalpert: **It's worth the risk if he did anything to you.

**BeezNeez: **He wasn't that horrible, really. He got angry and slapped me a couple of times. Then he said he'd "teach me" and wouldn't let me leave.

**JHalpert:** How?

**BeezNeez: **He did everything he could to keep me in my room. He stayed by he door and kept saying he wouldn't let me out until I gave him another chance. And he kept drinking. I tried to get past his when he slept but he had jammed the lock somehow. I couldn't call for help because he had unplugged my phone cord and hidden it somewhere.

**JHalpert: **But you were tied up.

**BeezNeez: **Well, that had only happened that day. I was sneaking past him again, trying to find my phone cord, and I stepped on a creaky board in the floor and he woke up. He got angry, hit me a few times and tied me to the chair. I was like that for a few hours and that's when you came in.

**JHalpert: **I'll kill him.

**BeezNeez: **Don't. Please. I couldn't handle it if you were in jail somewhere.

**JHalpert: **I can't believe the asshole would do that.

**BeezNeez: **Well, he's getting what's coming to him. He's going to be tried and I guess I'll have to testify.

**JHalpert: **How are you holding up?

**BeezNeez: **I probably sound like a three year old kid, but I'm scared.

**JHalpert: **I would be too, I guess.

**BeezNeez: **Well, let's change the subject. Any office gossip?

**JHalpert: **Seriously, Beesly, office gossip?

**BeezNeez: **What, I'm out of ideas.

**JHalpert: **Oh well. So anyway, it's still a nagging question. What were you doing out till 9?

**BeezNeez: **Honestly?

**JHalpert: **That isn't a good sign, but yes, honesty would be great.

**BeezNeez: **I said goodbye to Toby.

**JHalpert: **So you did go over to his place?

**BeezNeez: **Yeah.

**JHalpert: **He didn't try anything, did he?

**BeezNeez: **He put his hand on my leg again. That's when I left.

**JHalpert: **Alright. I have some apologizing to do.

**BeezNeez: **What did you do?

**JHalpert: **Never mind. Nothing violent, don't worry.

**BeezNeez: **Oh boy. Hey, Jim?

**JHalpert: **Yeah Beez?

**BeezNeez: **Would you mind coming over? I'd feel safer with you here.

**JHalpert: **I'll be right there, as soon as I find my other shoe.

**BeezNeez: **Did you check under the couch?

_Message sent 6:12 pm_

**JHalpert: **Thanks, Beez.

**BeezNeez: **No problem, Hal.

**JHalpert: **I love you.

**BeezNeez: **I love you too.

_JHalpert has left the conversation._

_BeezNeez has left the conversation._

Sorry, I'm a sap. Anyways, please review!


	14. Monday

Well, I can't believe it, but I'm done. I actually finished this thing. Now I can focus on my other two fics, Scranton Kim and Too Many Phones, both of which I would love it if you would check out. Anyway, thanks to my amazing, wonderful, spectacular reviewers, who encouraged me to continue with this mediocre story. Namely, DragonWingedHanyou, wildthing008, BasementoftheMansion, Inherently Flawed, JAMonMyToast, bingbangboom714, Miss-Jedi, Dizzy the Magical Fpoon, iheartstanley, TJtrack99, JScho, XALLOWspuffyBuFf, noodles medic, and kevin-o'toole77 . You guys rock.

P.S. This was supposed to be updated earlier, but SOMEONE didn't review. Then I was going to update anyway and had a little bit of a crisis…but that is now resolved, and here it is at long last. Major thanks to DragonWingedHanyou for all the support and for being my unofficial beta in the earlier stages, and also for helping me get through said mini-crisis…I guess more than one mini-soap worked itself out this week!

Alright. Here we go. Story time. Let's do this.

* * *

**EMAILS AND INSTANT MESSAGES SENT 9/15/08**

_This conversation started at 9:15 am_

**JHalpert:** Good to have you back, Beesly.

_BeezNeez has joined the conversation._

**BeezNeez:** Good to be back, Halpert.

**BeezNeez: **Why is everything so quiet?

**JHalpert: **We're still not allowed to talk. So stop typing so loud.

**BeezNeez: **Still?

**JHalpert: **Hey, those are the rules. If you want me to report you, I will.

**BeezNeez: **Fine.

**BeezNeez: **Why are you staring at me?

**JHalpert: **Nothing. I just love seeing you there instead of Kelly.

**JHalpert: **Great. I have a call. I have to get this, I haven't really been paying attention to sales for a week…

**BeezNeez:** I'm right here if you need me.

* * *

To: Angela (AngelaMartin)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: Monkey, please…

Time: 10:20

Monkey:

Please talk to me. I know I attempted to murder your fiancé and caused you to sin and revealed you as an adulteress to the entire office, but you're taking this way too far.

Love,

Dwight.

* * *

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Angela (AngelaMartin)

Subject: RE: Monkey, please…

Time: 10:25

Dwight:

I did some thinking this weekend, Dwight. I can't continue this relationship. It's wrong and sinful. I'm sorry, but we can't be any more than coworkers.

Angela

* * *

To: Angela (AngelaMartin)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: RE: RE: Monkey, please…

Time: 10:31

Monkey:

Coworkers with benefits?

Love,

Dwight

* * *

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Angela (AngelaMartin)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: Monkey, please…

Time: 10:35

Dwight:

No. I've made myself clear, Dwight. As of now, we are no longer seeing each other.

Angela

* * *

To: Jim (JHalpert)

From: Pam (BeezNeez)

Subject: Angela

Time: 10:45

What's up with Angela? I haven't seen her cry since her cat died.

* * *

To: Pam (BeezNeez)

From: Jim (JHalpert)

Subject: RE: Angela

Time: 10:52

Well, I don't know how accurate this is, but Kelly says that she and Dwight tried to - get this - murder Andy so that they could be together. Sounds like something out of a soap opera, doesn't it?

* * *

To: Jim (JHalpert)

From: Pam (BeezNeez)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: Angela

Time: 10: 57

What, so you two are BFFs now?

* * *

To: Pam (BeezNeez)

From: Jim (JHalpert)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Angela

Time: 11:01

What did we say about acronyms? And yes, Pam, Kelly is my new BFF. If fact, we're BFFAEAEs. But seriously, you do have to give her credit. She did kind of save your life.

* * *

To: Jim (JHalpert)

From: Pam (BeezNeez)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Angela

Time: 11:07

True. I already thanked her about 50,000 times, and she thought it was fun, anyway. Hey, have you heard anything from Toby? I wonder if he said anything about Friday.

* * *

To: Pam (BeezNeez)

From: Jim (JHalpert)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Angela

Time: 11:15

Crap. Toby. I completely forgot. About that…I have to make some apologies now…

* * *

To: Jim (JHalpert)

From: Pam (BeezNeez)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Angela

Time: 11:20

What did you do _this_ time…

* * *

To: Toby (TFlenderson)

CC: Pam (BeezNeez)

From: Jim (JHalpert)

Subject: Sorry

Time: 11:30

Toby,

I don't exactly know how to say this, but please just disregard my previous emails. I saw how much you were emailing her and I got suspicious and probably said some stuff I shouldn't have said. Anyway, sorry for thinking you took her. Even if you were emailing her too much, it was irrational and wrong of me. Again, sorry. No hard feelings?

Jim

* * *

To: Jim (JHalpert)

From: Pam (BeezNeez)

Subject: RE: Sorry

Time: 11:35

Well, a half-assed, understated apology is better than no apology. J Thanks for that, though. He's still sort of my friend, even if he did get a little weird. Sorry, I can't email for a while. Kelly, although a great detective, is a really, really bad receptionist. I have 208 voicemails and a whole stack of undelivered faxes. It's good to be back.

* * *

To: Holly (HFlax)

From: Michael (Thatswhatshesaid)

Subject: Friday

Time: 12:30

Holly-lujah,

What was that, Friday? Are we, you know…because I can break up with Jan. She practically broke up with me already. Actually, she did break up with me, about fifteen times in the last three months, but we always got back together…anyway, what are we now?

Michael

* * *

To: Michael (Thatswhatshesaid)

From: Holly (HFlax)

Subject: RE: Friday

Time: 12:38

Michael,

I don't know, what are we? What do you want to be?

Holly

* * *

To: Holly (HFlax)

From: Michael (Thatswhatshesaid)

Subject: RE: RE: Friday

Time: 12:45

Holly-day,

I don't know what I want to be, but I think I love you. No, no, I know I love you, because every time I see you, my heart becomes full, it just gets bloated with love…its like, one guy's pumping love into my heart, and then this other guy's sucking out common sense from my brain, and it's just so…I want to marry you. But whatever you wanna be is cool.

Michael

* * *

To: Michael (Thatswhatshesaid)

From: Holly (HFlax)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: Friday

Time: 12:53

Michael,

Well, how about we start at boyfriend and girlfriend and see where we go from there.

Holly

* * *

To: Oscar (OMartinez)

From: Kevin (ScrantonicityII)

Subject: Michael

Time: 1:09

Okay, I know I'm down 300 dollars on these Michael bets, but I want to make another one. At this rate, Michael's not going to leave his office for at least another week. If I'm wrong, I owe you double what I owe you now, and if I'm right, you don't owe me anything.

* * *

To: Kevin (ScrantonicityII)

From: Oscar (OMartinez)

Subject: RE: Michael

Time: 1:15

Morally, it's irresponsible for me to take that bet, but my bathroom flooded and I need money to fix the floor, so you're on.

* * *

To: Kevin (ScrantonicityII)

From: Oscar (OMartinez)

Subject: RE: RE: Michael

Time: 1:30

You can pay me later.

* * *

To: Jim (JHalpert

From: Pam (BeezNeez)

Subject: Talking

Time: 1:32

We can talk! He left the office! We can talk! Why aren't we talking?

* * *

To: Pam (BeezNeez)

From: Jim (JHalpert)

Subject: RE: Talking

Time: 1:35

Because there are better things we could be doing. Like this.

_**

* * *

**_

_**FROM THE DIARIES OF KELLY KAPOOR**_

_Dear Diary, 9/15/08_

_Today was the best day EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! _

_Pam's totally fine now, btw. She's actually smiling. But she has sooooooooo much to do, probably because answering phones at reception is, like, nothing like answering phones at Customer Service, and I didn't know what to do so I just stopped doing it. But it's ok. I'm back where I belong and everything is totally awesome._

_Michael left his office! I know, right! He just walked right out, smiled, and yelled, "Everyone can talk now! Jan and I are done!" Then, you know what he did? He went right up to Holly and kissed her! OMG!!!! _

_But that's not even the best part! Right after that, Jim got out of his chair, and then __**he**__ kissed __**Pam,**__ which was, like, the sweetest, most romantic thing since Romeo and Juliet. I never finished reading it, but I'm sure it had a happy ending. Anyway, I feel great, because I actually __**helped**__ someone for once, and usually people are telling me to __**stop**__ helping, because I'm making it worse or they can't handle my fabulousness or something._

_The only bad part is that Dwight and Angela still aren't talking. But other than that, it was the most amazing, awesome day EVER!!!!!_

_And now I'm going to call Ryan and tell him that I'm a local hero and he's stuck doing community service! LOL!!!_

_XOXO,_

_Kelly_

* * *

To: Angela (AngelaMartin)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: Please

Time: 4:07

Monkey:

Please give me another chance. Please.

Love,

Dwight

* * *

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Angela (AngelaMartin)

Subject: RE: Please

Time: 4:13

Dwight:

I don't know, Dwight. I still can't believe any of this happened. I can't believe I did any of this! And I don't know if I'm ready to be with someone who tried to kill my fiancé.

Angela

* * *

To: Angela (AngelaMartin)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: RE: RE: Please

Time: 4:29

Monkey:

That describes you too, you know.

Love,

Dwight

* * *

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Angela (AngelaMartin)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: Please

Time: 4:35

Dwight:

I don't know, Dwight. I'm just confused and guilty and shocked and I have a headache and I've had it for the last three days and I just don't know what to do.

Angela

* * *

To: Angela (AngelaMartin)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Please

Time: 4:40

Monkey:

Maybe dinner would help. With me. Tonight. After work. Nothing too official, like a half date.

Love,

Dwight.

* * *

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

From: Angela

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Please

Time: 4:43

Dwight:

You know what? I'd like that. Maybe it's worth another shot.

Angela

* * *

To: Angela (AngelaMartin)

From: Dwight (Battlestar51)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Please

Time: 4:47

Monkey:

Maybe some cookies will be involved?

Love,

Dwight

To: Dwight (Battlestar51)

* * *

From: Angela (AngelaMartin)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Please

Time: 4:56

Dwight:

You're pushing it.

Angela.

* * *

It's over! It's actually over! Finally! Hope it wasn't too cheesy for you guys. It was just a bit of fun, anyway, that stretched on about two months longer than I planned. But it was a fun ride. I have two other in-progress fics up, Two Many Phones and Scranton Kim. I also wrote an essay-ish fic that DragonWingedHanyou posted for me through her account because she knew it would get more readers. It's called Brownies and it's in the Twilight category. Thanks again for the reviews and support! And three cheers for Jim and Pam!


End file.
